This Internet connection in these here parts is becoming really, really bad and I think that it's starting to harm the content of my postings here in Lesser Blogfordshire, such as they are. Occasional attempts at broadening out my touches of satire have constantly fallen upon ever stonier ground (I may have to consider going "Pay per View" just to keep the idiots out) and I can only believe that it's be...
<GOES OFF TO MAKE FIRST CUP OF TEA OF THE DAY>
<DRINKS IT>
...cause it's darned tricky to hold on to a "wit...
<DRAWS UP BLUEPRINT FOR ATOMIC ROCKET MOTOR>
<BUILDS ROCKET>
<FLIES TO MOON AND BACK>
...ty" thought when I have to pause mid-
<WATCHES AS ENTIRE GEOGRAPHY OF PLANET IS SHIFTED BY PLATE TECTONICS>
sentence and wait for the "white heat of new technology" to catch up with even my steam train of thought.
<GOES OFF TO MAKE FIRST CUP OF TEA OF THE DAY>
<DRINKS IT>
...cause it's darned tricky to hold on to a "wit...
<DRAWS UP BLUEPRINT FOR ATOMIC ROCKET MOTOR>
<BUILDS ROCKET>
<FLIES TO MOON AND BACK>
...ty" thought when I have to pause mid-
<WATCHES AS ENTIRE GEOGRAPHY OF PLANET IS SHIFTED BY PLATE TECTONICS>
sentence and wait for the "white heat of new technology" to catch up with even my steam train of thought.
Not only does the hard drive take an absolute age to even find a Wi-Fi signal these days, after clicking away to itself like a rather alarmed geiger counter in a spy movie that's just found the stolen missiles, but once I try to launch a programme, it then settles itself down and presents the "Spinning Pizza of Death" to me for a not inconsiderable amount of time before finally deigning to inform me, its Lord and Master (HAH!!), that I am not actually even connected to the Internet.
Well, I may not be, matey, at least not yet - they haven't started fitting plug sockets to our brain stems quite yet - but you are supposed to be.
It's not, as we have already seen, "Rocket Science..."
It's not, as we have already seen, "Rocket Science..."
After a few goes, it might get there and, for a few minutes, actually behave itself enough for a sentence or two to get out. Then it will reach that tell-tale point when the characters start appearing even more slowly than I can type them in my one-finger cack-handed way, or stop appearing all together, and I will know that another endless wait is about to begin, entire galaxies will be born, live out their life-cycles and then burn away, fade and die, and that pithy little quip in the middle of a sentence which I thought that I'd mastered will somehow get lost and fade forever into the lost thoughts of history.
Then we will sit and wait for the "Spinning Pizza of Death" all over again...
Twenty minutes or more to knock out one tiny, tiny paragraph really does not help with your train of thought... Mind you, you should see what it's like when you're trying to save a link into another site like FizzBok or TwitWorld under such circumstances...
It can get even worse with actually trying to contribute upon FizzBok or TwitWorld, when the amount of data needing to be processed just to open up the page full of the rest of the world's nonsense means that your earth-shatteringly hysterical comment* can sit unfinished until long after you've forgotten quite what it was and the moment has passed, resurfaced, passed again and been archived into oblivion... although, to be fair, that's probably a blessing on the rest of humanity, or at least the forty or so vague members of it that I "sort of" interact with, because there's little less amusing than the person who finally feels they've got a contribution to make to the conversation and banter and then feels brave enough to crack wise an hour after you've gone home and forgotten everything that happened once the brandy arrived.
And then there's the "Save", or, more often than not, the "Not Save" error... A little red bar which tells me that my exciting, brand new piece of unoriginal thinking has not been preserved properly, that's assuming that the slowness of the connection didn't mean that I'd accidentally selected the lot and hit a "Return" before hitting "Save" in the first place of course, and has either vanished forever in a sea of lost memories (I wrote it down so I didn't have to remember it...), or managed to reappear with all the "good bits" missing.
Well, that's my excuse anyway.
You might actually get to disagree if ever this posting manages to escape the Colditz castle of this hard-drive and make it to electronic Switzerland.
Otherwise, it might just be a case of "For you Bloggy, ze blog iz over..."
*Comments not guaranteed to be either earth-shattering or hysterical
It can get even worse with actually trying to contribute upon FizzBok or TwitWorld, when the amount of data needing to be processed just to open up the page full of the rest of the world's nonsense means that your earth-shatteringly hysterical comment* can sit unfinished until long after you've forgotten quite what it was and the moment has passed, resurfaced, passed again and been archived into oblivion... although, to be fair, that's probably a blessing on the rest of humanity, or at least the forty or so vague members of it that I "sort of" interact with, because there's little less amusing than the person who finally feels they've got a contribution to make to the conversation and banter and then feels brave enough to crack wise an hour after you've gone home and forgotten everything that happened once the brandy arrived.
And then there's the "Save", or, more often than not, the "Not Save" error... A little red bar which tells me that my exciting, brand new piece of unoriginal thinking has not been preserved properly, that's assuming that the slowness of the connection didn't mean that I'd accidentally selected the lot and hit a "Return" before hitting "Save" in the first place of course, and has either vanished forever in a sea of lost memories (I wrote it down so I didn't have to remember it...), or managed to reappear with all the "good bits" missing.
Well, that's my excuse anyway.
You might actually get to disagree if ever this posting manages to escape the Colditz castle of this hard-drive and make it to electronic Switzerland.
Otherwise, it might just be a case of "For you Bloggy, ze blog iz over..."
*Comments not guaranteed to be either earth-shattering or hysterical
I hate the technology but enjoy the results. I have been invaded by Ask in my browser. It was Chrome but then I did a silly thing and it won't go away. Can't uninstall as it doesn't appear in my prog list. I want Chrome back. Any ideas? ARRRRGGGHHH!!!
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