I wrote this little music hall number/song/poem about ITC this morning...
Not being a tunesmith, the one in my head is (I think) the "Shy, shy, shy" one that's sung by Mr Topper in the version of "A Christmas Carol" starring Patrick Stewart.
I hope you're all joining in at home.
There’s a mark one Jaguar
All shiny and bright white
Going along a country road
The driver’s had a heavy night
It might not match the other one
That you saw a moment ago
But because it’s made by ITC
There’s one thing you already know
It
has to go over the cliff
It
has to go over the cliff
The
cliff the cliff the cliff the cliff
It has
to go over the cliff!
Once filmed for The Baron episode
Something for a Rainy Day
The Jag went flying off the hill
Quite expensively so they say
Still with the footage in the can
It’s not something to waste
If future scripts need jeopardy
A white Jag travelling with haste
Is
going over the cliff
Is
going over the cliff
The
cliff the cliff the cliff the cliff
It’s
going over the cliff!
They’re pouring hooch down Stuart’s neck
Then bunging him into a car
Which looks suspiciously shiny white
Guess what? It’s a Jaguar!
We know our hero will survive
But before it even starts
Our ITC–Sense is tingling
It’s going to be smashed to parts
It’s
going over the cliff
It’s
going over the cliff
The
cliff the cliff the cliff the cliff
It’s
going over the cliff!
The Cracken family’s being bumped off
Jeff Randall’s brought in on the case
When Johnny Cracken starts to drive
The car’s weaving all over the place
It’s smashing through a fence now
Careering down a great big hill
Think there’s a chance it’s going to stop
You know, I don’t think it will
It’s
gone right over the cliff
It’s
gone right over the cliff
The
cliff the cliff the cliff the cliff
It’s
gone right over the cliff!
Commander Gideon’s in pursuit
Of a nasty villain called Bailey
They’ve got him under surveillance
He drives a light grey Jag they say
George Baker’s sneaked in the car park
Looking like he’s sealed his fate
In the foreground there’s a white Jag
Now he’s got the keys - but wait…
It
doesn’t go over the cliff
It
doesn’t go over the cliff
The
cliff the cliff the cliff the cliff
It
doesn’t go over the cliff!
Usually it would have done
Gideon’s Way’s a little early
He’s living in a more gritty world
With villains who are kind of surly
In future however the rule applies
If your villain’s cutting brake lines
Or pouring whisky down a throat
It’s simply a matter of time
‘Til
It goes
right over the cliff
It goes
right over the cliff
The cliff
the cliff the cliff the cliff
It’s going
over the cliff!
Sometimes the car’s a small Renault
A vehicle of a different hue
Which got bunged off another hill
Without a camera inside it’s true
This adds a little variety
When motor cars start to fly
Now when it switches from red to white
And back you know just why
Because…
Two
cars went over the cliff
Two
cars went over the cliff
The
cliff the cliff the cliff the cliff
Two
cars went over the cliff!
It
has to go over the cliff
It
has to go over the cliff
The
cliff the cliff the cliff the cliff
It
has to go over the cliff!
MAWH,
May 2018
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