So went the gist of a rant broadcast on the radio last week (or maybe, considering the time I’ve taken to pluck up the courage to publish this, it was much longer ago) which was reported to
me by the tried and tested route of “Chinese Whispers” so I can’t honestly say
how much actual truth is in it, or how much “reckoning” is going on there, but
the spirit behind that particular thought is so mean that I thought that it was
worth commenting upon further, if that isn’t too much of a problem for you…?
Assuming of course, that it ever really existed.
Speaking as someone who has spent years feeling almost cripplingly
awkward in social situations, it comes as a further crushing blow to my limited
self-esteem to discover that I was actually right all along and my mere
presence was actually putting everyone else on edge after all.
How very selfish of me not to have realised…
How very upsetting and unsettling it must have been for you all to have
to tolerate having me around, not joining in, feeling left out and generally
not knowing how to act…
How very difficult that must have made things for you...
I really am so terribly sorry and, if you like, I’ll just take myself
off on a long walk down that very short pier over there and try not to trouble
you with my humble and insignificant presence ever again.
Sorry… So sorry… So really very sorry…
But before I go I ought to apologise as well for disagreeing with you so
vehemently. Well, I say “vehemently” but what I really mean is with the tiniest
of squeaks that might just imply that you’re probably, but by no means
certainly, wrong in your opinion on this.
Erm… I suppose that what I’m trying to say here is, and I really
wouldn’t want to upset you or anything… You know…? Rain on your parade…
B-b-b-because you’re obviously totally convinced that you are completely right
about everything, and it would obviously only be some foolish insect, some insignificant worm who could only dream
of one day becoming something even remotely resembling a human being, who would
dare
to even imply that your magnificence might be in any way even remotely thought of as being
anything less than one hundred percent perfect in every way…
But…
I… really… do… have to beg to… er… disagree with your observation, even
though I’m sure that you and all your mates have discussed it and debated it at
length and obviously come to this inevitable conclusion through the sheer
genius of your massive combined intellects and having this insignificant gnat
gnawing away at something that is so obviously what the vast majority of the
human race so rightly “reckon” must be very irritating for you…
How very unbearable that the blitzkrieg of the sheer fabulousness of being you in your
self-absorbed little world might have been ever so slightly dented by the
presence of someone who dared to feel a bit worried and a trifle upset by their
own feelings of inadequacy and shortcomings when faced by someone filled with
supreme overconfidence and a superiority complex so massive that you could
probably attach cables to it and run a small sun off it.
That the crippling self-doubt that some of us, you’ll be surprised to
discover, having obviously never experienced such a thing yourself,
occasionally feel, might somehow impinge on the whale of a good time that you
were obviously having until someone like me turned up and completely ruined it
for you, is something me and my kind can only humbly apologise for all over
again and, luckily, we’re unlikely to ever be able to summon up the courage to
come within a thousand miles of you ever again, so you’re probably quite safe
to vanish up your own fundament without having to worry that someone who feels
slightly more vulnerable than you ever will be would be around to see it.
Really jolly well done to you.
You’re obviously best.
And don’t you just know it…?
Confidence works at many levels. It can be a quiet thing or and arrogant shout. The arrogant shout is often fear in disguise, whilst the quiet thing is usually born out of feeling comfortable.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is so shy that she can't go into a shop on her own, she can however go off to weekend pop festivals. She can't travel by bus, but she can take the train. She doesn't like people looking at her, but she has red hair and nose studs.
I don't know, I really don't.
Uh yes, and... Hush, hush, eye 2 eye
ReplyDeleteI heard that radio programme and it made me furious.
ReplyDeleteIt's infinitely preferable to be shy than to be loud, ignorant, and lacking in sensitivity.
So it did actually happen then...? Well, that's a relief... (even though it isn't, if you see what I mean...?)
DeleteYes, I heard it on Radio 2 - in fact I might have been the source of the Chinese whispers, thinking about it. She did indeed say shy people were selfish and should think less about themselves and make more effort with others. They also had a therapist specialising in social anxiety to provide some balance, but he got shouted down by this horrible woman. I can't remember who she was now. She had a really annoying voice too.
DeleteSomeone phoned in to the programme and quoted to this woman: "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
DeleteMarvellous...!
DeleteMaybe there's still some hope in the world after all... :-)