CARPHONE WHOREHOUSE

CARPHONE WHOREHOUSE

A death row of shutters and boarding

Like on any high street in any town

When they tell you the high street is dying

Yet you’re wanting to buy a new phone

All you want is a straightforward phone

All last week you’ve been looking online

What you’re after’s a no-frills unsmart phone

You’ve researched it extensively online

But because you’re out and about you think

Oh look! Over there’s a Carphone Warehouse

That you’re certain will make life much simpler

So glad you spotted that Carphone Warehouse

Nervously you find that you’ve entered

Worried that salespeople will pounce

Then they sit you down in a bad chair

Endlessly filling in electronic forms

With a trainee who doesn’t know the system

Waiting forever for the time safe to release

With their manager bellowing all your details

Loud enough so the dead high street all hears

After all of the waiting they bring out the phone

In a bright shade of blue that’s not navy

Now they tell you colour you first asked for

Is not one that they have in stock today

You reluctantly accept the light blue one

Because by now you don’t want to give in

When you get home the ten pounds of credit

Online shops offered isn’t included within

No good turn you do will go unpunished

Life typically turns out quite perverse

Your helpful time-saving suggestion

Turns out it was basically worse

A death row of shutters and boarding

Like on any high street in any town

When they tell you the high street is dying

No wonder we’re all shopping home alone

MAWH, April 2018