STAN THE T-REX

Long, long ago, I promised you that, when it failed miserably, as it inevitably must, I'd publish my entry to the Talking Statues competition for you to mock derisively as yet another of my spectacular and unheroic failures at convincing myself that I can write stuff like proper writers can.... So, here it is in all its embarrassing lack of majesty...

[ROARS]

Hey! You down there!

Look up! Up in the sky…!

Here I am!

Faster than a speeding Usain Bolt…!

More powerful than a feasting shark… (Well, my bite is, anyway)

Able to eat tall buildings in a single bite…

Okay, maybe not…

Let’s think about this…

Hmmm…

Able to look tall buildings straight in the eye…

Well, three-storey ones perhaps…

At least I wouldn’t need a ladder if I wanted to clean the windows of my house.

If I had a house…

Listen! When you get to be more than twenty feet tall, maybe I’ll finally be able to pick on someone my own size…

Now you might be looking at me and thinking that I just look like a load of old bones… but that’s not true.

I mean, yes, you’re not exactly seeing me at my best today.

I’m a replica, built just so you can understand how big I once was.

These aren’t even my real bones.

Oh no…

My REAL bones, the ones that they dug up in the Badlands (Yeah!! BAD lands) of South Dakota, are somewhere else entirely, but they look just like this…

Only they’re not quite as strong, and might not be able to stand up to all you people with your sticky fingers and the strange filthy air that you breathe, which I need like I need a hole in the head.

Actually, I’ve got several holes in my head, because, as I was the king of the terrible lizards, I got into a fair few fights, but you can tell from the fact that some of the holes healed up, and I grew new teeth, that I survived them all…

Okay, not all of them, otherwise I’d never have ended up in the ground in the Badlands…

We didn’t call them the Badlands back then, of course, but it’s not the worst name for it, given that something very bad happened to me.

So…

Is it a bird…? (Well, kind of…)

Has it a name…? (Oh yes…)

It’s SUPERSTAN!!! (Yeah…!!)

And dinosaurs are big, you see…? (You SEE!!!)

REALLY big, and we lasted for a very, VERY long time…

We were around on this planet for far, far longer than you rather tasty looking humans have been around…

All of you little mammals ARE looking particularly tasty today…

And… after all this time I’m feeling a little… HUNGRY!!!!

[ROARS]