BOX SET BLUES

Because I am weak and feeble-minded, I appear to have accumulated a lot of box sets lately,  sometimes for the most pathetic of reasons - like the fact that they were set in California, or because the logging trucks I saw on the roads there made me think of the series - but am beginning to wonder if I'll ever get the chance to actually find the time to watch any of them, given that there's now a stack of at least five - possibly six - of the things waiting for my attention, and buggerall free time to sit down and view them, nor a comfortable place in which to do the sitting and viewing, now that - in anticipation of the great (construction) works ahead of us - we've thrown out the collapsing leather couch and I appear to be living like a student once again, despite my great age.

"There's only the rickety chair…"

And yet, even as I write, with this wall of wasted time still to be climbed, the January Sales loom large on the horizon, and with them will no doubt come even more temptations to acquire yet more pointless stuff, which, in most cases, simply become more desirable because they're cheap…

"Oh, I'd definitely want that if it was cheap enough…"

These days, it's the English way of doing things - I don't care what it is, so long as it's a bargain...

And then, usually after only one viewing, most of them get put on a shelf to gather dust and almost certainly never see the light of a laser again, even though I appear to gain some small comfort from knowing that they are there and I could watch them at any time I wanted.

But it's madness.

I mean... who really has the time…?

There's a ludicrous amount of viewing on those shelves, pretty much all of which has been watched about once, and will I ever really get another chance to trawl my way through the complete run of "NYPD: Blue" or "M*A*S*H" or "The West Wing" or "Millennium" or "Blakes 7" or "UFO" or "Inspector Morse" or "Seinfeld" or "The Sweeney" or "The Twilight Zone" or "The Outer Limits" or any of those other shows again given the nature of my lifestyle…?

And that's not even thinking about all of the films...

Well, maybe when I retire, but, well, the way things are going these days (and genetically speaking) sometimes that seems increasingly unlikely.

Meanwhile, in the wee small hours, and whenever I'm abandoned for the evening for the Beloved to attend yet another of her many, many work Christmas functions, I'm working my way surreptitiously through a frankly brilliant thirty-part drama series (plus feature-film sequel) from the early nineties ("The Owls Are Not What They Seem..." - if you know what I mean...?) with a slightly more crappy "complete series box set" of a rather less impressive (but happily remembered and fun!) 1970s series, which will annoy the heck out of me when I finally settle down to watch it, but will nevertheless be endured episode-by-episode in their proper order until the bitter end by the completist in me.

However, there's that really special, special offer (that I bought from the BFI a couple of months back) to also slip into the schedule, a series which really deserves to be savoured, especially at the time of year for which it was intended.

But then there's the "Black Friday" deal of that collection of eight 1930s movies to find time for, not to mention the other twenty-odd movie collection that I ordered in a weak-minded moment because I was determined to hang on until I could find it at the stupidly cheap deal price that I'd missed out on, and was surprised one day not long afterwards to be able to do so, and then simply could not resist it any longer.

Then there's the shiny new release of this year's series of another show that I adore, even though I only watched it a couple of months ago, plus of course, in all these cases, more "Extras" or "VAM" than anyone could reasonably expect to be able to sit through in merely one lifetime.

Finally, there's also the tricky little matter of finding a couple of hours to make my (almost) annual trip to Bedford Falls, which is another place that the Beloved prefers not to venture into because she finds it far too upsetting, and so I have to blub alone, in the darkness, before the rest of the household awakens.

First world problems, eh...? First world problems...

This in an era when I'm actually watching less and less television anyway, so I'm obviously just an accumulator out of habit more than anything else, and lucky enough, I suppose, to still be in a position to be one when others are struggling so much, so I should probably just shut up and stop complaining now.

No, really.

God, this is utter madness, isn't it…?