Monday 17 December 2012

A CHRISTMAS TALE IN 25 PARTS: PART SEVENTEEN


Well, isn’t that just typical? You finally get the chance for a bit of a rest and to warm yourself through, and someone’s finally been decent enough to not only offer you a drink but to hand one to you as well, and before you even get the chance to take one little sip, you’ve been spirited away and find yourself back out in the cold again, this time with only a vest and a pair of trousers to keep you warm, and without even a pair of socks to your name.

All of these thoughts might very well have passed through the mind of Mr Snatch as the warm and welcoming home of Mr Snipe and his family dissolved around him, if he hadn’t been quite so baffled about what was going on.

Don’t worry about it, old son, the bloke writing this stuff hasn’t got much of a clue, either, but as we’re rapidly approaching the final third of our story, it was probably as good a time as any to chivvy things along a bit and get you moving, even if we did have to add another sprinkling of the supernatural in order to get it done.

One moment he had been sitting warmly and comfortably, with even a glass of something decent looking in his hand, and beginning to believe that he wasn’t actually in a strange Eastern European village at all, but somewhere far more confusing, and then the glass, the room and, as far as he could tell, the entire world had dissolved around him and he was sitting somewhere very cold again, hearing the last echoes of some faraway glassware shattering.

He wasn’t sure quite what the drug was that someone was obviously pumping into his veins, but it sure as hell was having some startling side effects. He wondered, briefly, whether it was a company whose trials his own company had invested in, but decided that it really was best not to think about that sort of thing, especially not if you chose to believe the sort of things the investigative journalists chose to write about and his lawyers were constantly in court over.

Mr Snatch was at least happy to discover that when he opened his eyes, the thick fog was clearing just enough to reveal the familiar skyline of the City in which he spent most of his working life, and the geometric shapes of the glass and steel towers now in front of him, albeit painted in a faded palette of weak shades of grey, were strangely comforting to him after all that had been going on.

He decided not to ask himself too many questions as to how he actually came to be back at least relatively close to the place that he considered to be his home again, instead preferring to take the more practical option of deciding to set forth back towards his own office, pondering upon the worrying notion that he had never, as far as he was aware, ever sleep-walked before.

But the thick fog now surrounding the tower would not allow him to penetrate it. It fought with him, battled with him, resisted him and, try as hard as he could, every time he ventured towards the SnatchCon Tower the grey and white would thicken around him, confusing him and spinning him around so that he lost all sense of direction and he would emerge again and again right back at the cold park bench upon which he had first opened his eyes after his return, with the towers so tantalisingly close and yet impossibly distant behind him.

After so many attempts, he finally persuaded himself that enough was enough, and he might as well take advantage of the fact that he did, at the very least, have somewhere to sit and wait, and so, for perhaps the first time in years, he did so. Because of what he was now wearing, he began shivering so spectacularly that his teeth actually chattered as he waited for the weak midwinter sun to burn away the fog, and he continued to watch with less and less interest as the sky continued to lighten and recolour those tantalisingly welcome grey shapes that were so near and yet so far away. His mind narrowed and narrowed and he became almost obsessed with just how cold it actually was as another big day dawned all around him.

He was so cold, and so focussed upon the fact of its coldness, that he almost failed to notice the approaching footsteps which were clicking along somewhere beyond the limits of his vision in the swirling fog which surrounded him and made the whole world into a pale grey monochrome. His chattering teeth did not help him there either, as the footsteps, tentative as they were, were more than drowned by the noises in his head.

When he did finally become aware that there might be another person in his immediate vicinity he panicked slightly at the thought that he might have to fight someone to retain his little patch of comfort and really did not feel up to the task.

Then he had a more comforting thought, that it might be a policeman who might insist upon trying to move him along and he managed to force his mouth into a shaky, shivering smile as his previous confidence briefly resurfaced as he considered once again playing the “Do you know who I am?” gambit.

Of all the scenarios his mind considered, however, of which there were fairly few as he was getting so very cold that his mind was shutting down, the one that would probably never have crossed his mind was the one which actually occurred, as a familiar figure emerged staggering from the fog, carrying a miserable looking dachshund in her arms…

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