THE GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS TELLY PAST (part twenty three)

“Oh Crikey! It’s Des O’Connor!” You could almost sense the spirit of Eric Morecambe, that cornerstone of Christmas Television past spinning in his grave as TV Times chose to end the 1980s with dear old Des as its cover star. Ah well, never mind, we must be tolerant.

They were, after all, simpler TV Times, simpler TV Times…

ITV on Christmas Eve now started with nearly three and a half hours of “TV-AM” before the daytime was taken over by “The Disney Club” and an hour long “Meditation” from the Parish Church of St Mary’s, Nether Alderley, Cheshire. At noon, Father John Fagan looked after abandoned AIDS babies in Brooklyn, New York, followed by “This is Your Right” and “Aap Kaa Hak”. The cosy world of Christmas TV was changing, but not enough for “The Reluctant Dragon” not to follow the news. After that, the timely seasonal reminder of George C Scott as “Scrooge” took over before “Highway to Heaven”, The “Bullseye Christmas Special”, “Coronation Street” and “Highway” took ITV viewers through to the evening’s big movie “Pied Piper” starring Peter O’Toole, after which Nigel Kneale’s adaptation of “The Woman in Black” scared the bejesus out of us and made sure that no-one who watched it would get a good night’s sleep. Because we now lived in a 24 hour television environment, more movies would see you through to the next “TV-AM” if you really struggled to get to sleep or the children woke you at 2.00 AM demanding presents.

Channel Four was well into its groove by now, and filled its Christmas Eve with documentaries (on  Indian superstar Amitabh Bachchan, Fish Keepers and the racehorse Desert Orchid), Christmas cartoons, the ballet “Cinderella”, Jonathan Ross, American Football and a range of movies including “Road to Utopia”, a TV adaptation of “Anne of Green Gables”, “Julia” starring Jane Fonda and the Marx Brothers in “Monkey Business” as well as an hour long look at “Stryper” a born again Christian Heavy Metal band.

After “TV-AM”, Christmas Day on ITV included a live morning family show hosted by Anneka Rice, then at noon, James Bond had his own Christmassy adventure “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” whilst wearing George Lazenby’s face. Her Majesty herself then addressed the nation before Cosgrove Hall’s “B.F.G” film entertained the whole family. The evening brought a “Strike It Lucky Christmas Special” with Michael Barrymore, and a “Comedy Christmas Box” with Jim Davidson (Ah! How things change!) before a visit to “Coronation Street”, and a Christmassy slice of “After Henry” . After this there was a long night of films including “Down and Out in Beverley Hills” and “Raiders of the Lost Ark”.

Channel Four spent Christmas Day showing its usual eclectic mix including “The Adventures of Tintin”, Laurence Olivier tributes in showings of “Pride and Prejudice” and “Richard III”, “An Evening for Armenia”, “The Snowman” and “The Little Sweep”.

Boxing Day on ITV that year included “Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger”, “Return of the Jedi” and “Danny the Champion of the World” as well as some of its own productions like “T-Bag’s Christmas Special” and a “Run the Gauntlet Christmas Special” The evening meant a “Celebrity Wheel of Fortune”, believe it or not an old episode of “George and Mildred” at 7.30 PM, “The Bill”, and “Shelley” with Hywel Bennett, before getting all ruthless with three ruthless films, “Ruthless People”, “The Outlaw Josey Wales” and “Escape from New York”.

Over on Four, things remained much calmer after the afternoon racing with “The Red Shoes”, the ballet “Swan Lake” and Olivier in “The Prince and the Showgirl”, but not calm enough that the Marx Brothers couldn’t turn up “At the Circus”.

New Year’s Eve that year featured athletics (far too vigorous), “Paint Your Wagon” and “The Karen Carpenter Story” amidst the usual Sunday evening fare, before we were presented with “Cilla’s Goodbye to the ’80s” for two and a half hours (I wonder whether she sang… Oh dear…) before Mark McManus (Yes, that one!) and Stanley Baxter hosted “The New Year Show” hopefully without finding that there had been a “Muddarrr”. Channel Four had a “Sticky New Year with Julian Clary” (so daring…) after the movie “Pirates of Penzance” (consults “Roger’s Profanasaurus” and retires quietly).

New Year’s Day and the 1990s meant “Bigfoot: King of the Monster Trucks”, “Interceptor” with Annabel Croft and  “The Last Starfighter”. Something told me that the 1990s were going to be LOUD!!! Still, lovely Gordon Burns was there with a “Krypton Factor Celebrity Special” and there was also some Ice Skating to relax you until “The Match” between Nottingham Forest and Liverpool. Later on, “Taggart” did indeed find a Muddarrr, so I’m sure that everyone was happy, even if serious rifts had developed in the Corkhill family over on Channel Four and then the rest of the evening was reduced to the kind of clip show that I might have enjoyed, even if no-one else would: “The A-Z of TV”.

Gotta love that Channel Four…