THE GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS TELLY PAST (part eight)

The cover of the TV Times at Christmas 1980 was rather a case of “been there, seen that” or yet another cover featuring James Bond and Morecambe and Wise in a scene kind of resembling one from “Last of the Summer Wine”, although at least that year the James Bond in question actually turned up to have his picture taken with the comedy duo instead of merely being a cardboard cut out. Some people might perhaps consider James Bond to be little more than a cardboard cut out anyway and possibly considered that to be more appropriate, but  I digress. Another “J.B.”, Janet Brown, also made the cover that year, dressed in her finest Mrs Thatcher getup as we were still only a year and a half into the Thatcher era back then, and I was so young and still had hopes and dreams that were yet to be dashed.

It was still a couple more years before the TV Times would have more than one channel to tell us about, and Christmas Eve on ITV that year started off with the rather brilliant “Cloppa Castle” (The Byegones and the Hasbeenes - class!) and after “Frank Muir’s Christmas Extraordinary” and some Disney dabblings (including the 21 year old Michael Jackson raving about Disneyland on its 25th anniversary) amid the usual programmes like “Take the High Road” the afternoon was mostly taken up with “Quo Vadis” before a nativity from Manorfield School, Poplar and “Give Us a Clue for Christmas” eased us into an evening consisting of “Christmas at Robin’s Nest” (the “Man About the House” spin-off which was amazingly still running into the 1980s) and  a “London Night Out Christmas Special” fronted by Tom O’Connor with Cilla Black topping the bill, and the main movie being Hitchcock’s “Family Plot”.

Christmas Day morning included a “Christmas Runaround” and “Digby – The Biggest Dog in the World” before a visit to “Crossroads” and Keith Harris introducing “Billy Smart’s Christmas Circus”. The Queen was followed by the movie version of another “Man About the House” spin-off “George and Mildred”. Then a “3, 2, 1 Pantomime” filled the gap before those cover stars of Roger Moore as James Bond in “The Man with the Golden Gun”, Morecambe and Wise and Janet Brown filled the evening. Finally the day ended with Liza Minnelli in Concert from New Orleans and “It’s Christmas!” which was carols sung by schoolchildren.

Boxing Day started rather bizarrely with “Puff the Magic Dragon in the Land of the Living Lies” featuring former Penguin, Burgess Meredith, and a “true story” film about rare Rothschild Giraffes starring Gordon Jackson. The euphemistically titled “Christmas Star Games” followed before the horse racing from Kempton Park took over until the movie “Zulu Dawn” filled the rest of the daytime. The evening then included “The Roman Invasion of Ramsbottom” and a “Survival Special” about, er, penguins before the Charlton Heston blockbuster “Earthquake” kept us entertained until Warren Mitchell could give us “The Thoughts of Chairman Alf – at Christmas” and there was “An Audience with Dame Edna Everage” and Spike Milligan playing “Many Parts” in “The Pirates of The Pirates of Penzance” followed by Dean Martin and Robert Mitchum playing “Five Card Stud”.

New Year’s Eve included Bamber Gascoigne presenting a special edition of “University Challenge” with winning students from Merton College, Oxford taking on their dons, and then the usual soap operas (in those days just the two: “Crossroads and “Coronation Street”) and the ubiquitous “This is Your Life” led up to another Roger Moore film “Gold” before Jimmy Logan paid tribute to Sir Harry Lauder and Kenny Everett dragged his audience into a zappy New Year with his “New Year’s Daze Show”.

ITV’s New Year’s Day itself  began at 9.30 AM (what did we do before Breakfast TV?) with Tim Brooke-Taylor providing the voices for “Gideon”, a cartoon French duckling and the usual family fare for a Bank Holiday included gymnastics, balloonists and parachutists “Diving over the Desert” and John Wayne in “True Grit”. Puppets the took over in a double bill of “The Pied Piper of Hamelin” narrated by Robert Hardy, and a science-fiction puppet comedy featuring Derek Guyler called “Stainless Steel and the Star Spies”. There was another brief visit to the “Crossroads” motel before the epic “Doctor Zhivago” took up over three and a half hours of the evening putting everyone into  just the sort of a merry mood that was perfect for “Wood and Walters” to cheer them up. Finally a sinister story called “Christmas Spirits” featuring Elaine Stritch, and an episode of “Chief of Detectives” starring Joe Don Baker rounded off the first day of 1981 on ITV.