JAN 05 2011
No calls at all today, which is a worry. I assume that mum’s sleeping and don’t like to disturb her, assuming that if it were something worse, then I would be told. I call up my sister pre-visit and she has had a meeting with a Doctor today and been filled in on certain matters and voiced our concerns,
My evening visit finds mum looking better than in ages, now they’ve stopped the damned laxative treatments. Lots of positive talk of coming home for once.
An old friend of mum’s rings me at 9.45PM asking for an update and passing on the hopes from her friends from church hoping to see her back there very soon.
JAN 06 2011
Didn’t hear a word all day after my call to my sister to tell her to pass on the message about last night’s call.
An evening telephone conversation – after discovering 25 telephone messages dating back to the start of November and which include the eight (!) that were trying to track me down in between my leaving the house and arriving at the hospital on the day they sent mum home back in early December (I really must get into the habit of checking my messages…) – is not encouraging. How do you help someone who seems to have lost all interest in helping themself? I suspect the turn our conversation took is something neither of us will look back upon as our finest hour, but sometimes these things are just necessary.
JAN 07 2011
Evening visit. Mum’s now giving the impression that she no longer cares and is no longer interested in her own well being, or in doing anything to help herself to get better. This makes me sad but it also makes me rather angry, too.
With her.
Throwing away the grapes I was asked to bring a couple of days back (“I don’t know why you brought them” – Er… because you asked for them…). Worrying about the make-up of my own DNA as I see the sights in front of me and wonder whether I’m looking at a vision of my own future.
JAN 08 2011
Afternoon visit, GMF, sis, self. All a lot brighter today, although the chat all gets a bit too “Top Gear” I suspect, but it kept things rattling along.
Mum to sis: “Isn’t it about time you went back to Cornwall?”
Charming!
JAN 09 2011
04:00AM Mum moved out of her side ward onto a main ward. This is probably a good sign, although you wouldn’t think it to see her response to it. Too much time away from the hoi polloi, I expect, has given her a superiority complex. The rest of us are quite pleased, though as we think that more mental stimulation shouldn’t do her any harm.
The afternoon visit was comparatively brief for the three of us. Mum felt too tired after just an hour although we do discover that there is a CT Scan planned for tomorrow.
JAN 10 2011
Mum rings me 13:00 feeling lousy, and not wanting visitors. She had a “bad night” (although it was actually the morning) having been forced to drink every 20 minutes and consequent calls of nature. Now “nil by mouth” waiting for the scan (and consequently unable to speak clearly). Unable to track down sis to head her off from the visit, but I do try.
The evening visit proves alarming, not least because I get a flashback to my Grandma’s deathbed, but mum looks shockingly pale. However, after we sit her up, she rallies enough to bellow “I wish I was DEAD!!” in what my father would have called her Bette Davis voice. We also get criticised for being too cheerful, told twice about a visit from her friends Ann and John, and the nurse taking her blood pressure gets a kind word, although mum’s sense of quite what the time might be is utterly out of whack.
Sis tells me her plans for the month and she wants to head home on the 19th as she has things she has to do back home.
JAN 11 2011
I get another day off from visiting duties.
Sis rings around 5.30PM, and it sounds like she’s had a rough afternoon during her visit with mum and the GMF. The consultant had a chat and mum’s basically told him “she wants to die” although he replied that they don’t practice euthanasia on that ward. Mum though has basically given up and looks prepared to die of stubborn bloody-mindedness. Even GMF, I’m told, is angry about this, what with their religion and all…
Meanwhile there is talk of mysterious “returning tumours” which is a surprise to those of us not in the loop as neither of us were aware of any previous ones…
All in all very depressing, but I’m still insisting on my night off, even if I am worried that the fates may choose to punish me for it… Did call sis before her evening visit though, with a couple of suggestions, but all-in-all it’s still very, very depressing.
Really do hope things look up soon Martin. X
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