The beloved was still too ill to go out, so I headed off to the supermarket to stock up on the more perishable Christmas fayre and ended up getting out of there early enough to blast down the road to mum’s flat to put some of the “emergency rations” (frozen chicken dinners in case Christmas day proves too treacherous weather-wise for us to visit at all) into her freezer. I was also able to collect some of her post, which helped to pass some of the time during those hospital visits when you’re struggling to think of anything new to talk about.
DEC 19 2010
Mum got relocated to another ward, but still in a side room, and the beloved and I were apparently told off in our absence for leaving the chairs there after our visit as it made the bed move more difficult. Oddly enough, we are sure we didn’t and can only imagine that they meant the ones that were in the room they took her to and not the one she came from. I managed to feel a tad miffed at this slight against my helpful nature, but was persuaded to let it go.
I paid an afternoon visit and chatted to mum and the GMF who was also in attendance, which made it a bit easier. However, the latest TV card was running out and I discovered that you couldn’t set it up in anticipation, you had to wait until it ran out before setting up your next three days. It became clear that I’d have to visit again in the evening to set it up as the controls remained too complicated for mum to think through at that moment and (apparently – although I have no confirmation of this) the nurses wouldn’t do it for you. I suspect they actually probably would, but who was I to argue?
DEC 20 2010
Happily the lousy weather around the country cancelled the business trip I’d been required to go on that day, so things normalised and a straightforward evening visit was attended after a horrible time trying to get into my frozen car involving all sorts of fun with iced-up windows refreezing the moment I moved, so that it took twenty minutes and two near misses after I’d left the house to be still outside my own front door. As I’d had that much fun moving just ten feet, I was very glad at the wisdom of the Welsh for seeing sense and cancelling.
DEC 21 2010
I got up early to watch some of the lunar eclipse. That puts a lot of things into perspective.
However, that night I had a tetchy old visit. “Are you going to ask the nurses when I can go home?” There is no point to this, as they really don’t know. “Your sister would have asked them if she’d been here.”
Ouch!
DEC 22 2010
On the way to my evening hospital visit I called at mum’s flat and salvaged the turkey roast joint (replacing the one ordered – and subsequently cancelled online) I had dropped into her freezer the previous Saturday. The plan is now to cook at home on Christmas Eve then transport and reheat on Christmas Day.
DEC 23 2010
A metaphorical hand grenade was thrown into our plans for Christmas when mum rang me in the morning to tell me that it has been decided that mum was not now going to be allowed home. The biggest problem came when I responded to her enquiry about “looking after the GMF” that the GMF and what he was now going to do was not really my problem. This was reported in a bitter phone call to my sister in which, she later tells me, stunned silences fall when, for once, my sister told mum she agreed with me.
I maintain that on two minutes notice, as the phone call was still progressing, the GMF was not a priority in my mind as I mentally rearranged the intricate chess pieces of my Christmas plans around in my head, but just another thing to consider when I had a new master plan. I suspect that I shall never be truly forgiven for this.
As the day progresses the GMF rang and told me not to worry about him, as really he would be fine, but the beloved and I managed to come up with a plan that, eventually, seemed to suit everyone. All we all had to do then was sell it to mum, and eventually that storm in a teacup got settled, although mum seemed more than a touch dismayed when I invested in a six-day television card to see her through the duration of Christmas.
On the plus side, my niece gave birth a baby which, despite my own less-than-massive enthusiasm for such matters, did seem to distract mum and make her slightly happier.
DEC 24 2010
Work finally grinded to a halt and I had to dash off to collect a commode (Oh, the glamour!) from the equipment shop before they closed for Christmas at 3.00 PM. As I traversed the ice rink that was mum’s road with it. I decided not to gift wrap it. Whilst I was there, I fixed one of Blinky’s lights as the car had chosen to live up to its nickname again. I headed home again and had a much needed bath whilst listening to “Carol’s from Kings” (although the batteries in my radio faded out) as the beloved roasted the now superfluous but defrosted turkey joint. Evening visiting found mum developing a cough, but apart from that, a Christmas in hospital now didn’t seem quite as foreboding as it once was.
DEC 25 2010 (Christmas Day)
Christmas Day was a bit different, to what it usually is, but we all seemed to get through it okay. The beloved and I paid a morning visit to mum and she seemed sprightly enough and pleased to see us. Token gestures at gifting found me giving her a much-unwanted paperback (the only gift I had bought her that seemed remotely hospital friendly) but it’s a minor glitch.
The GMF was on afternoon duties so that I could sit down and eat with the beloved’s family. After that I headed round to his house with a plate of the beloved’s mother’s Christmas dinner and the GMF and I sat and chatted for a while as he ate. I’m convinced that mum got more attention in the hospital than she might have done with me attempting to cook a meal in her flat on a miniature oven, a microwave and a couple of electric hobs. More general gifting and a proper sit down family meal was postponed until after she’s home. The beloved and I paid another evening visit on our way home and were surprised at both how quiet it was and how few evening visitors there actually were.
We arrived home and the DVR had failed to tape any Christmas Day telly that I’d programmed to record because I was going to be so busy. Just our luck!
DEC 26 2010
I got a rare restful morning (although I got up early to listen to some of the test match) before we headed out for a late afternoon visit to the beloved’s folks, then called in at the hospital again for an evening visit. So many people were now telling me that the hospital doesn’t check the pay and display parking at all and that I was throwing my money away, but with the way my luck’s been going recently I wasn’t prepared to chance it. Sometimes I felt like I was funding the place personally anyway, so what was a few more quid?
DEC 27 2010
The Beloved had a family birthday. I dropped her at the house then drove off to do an afternoon visit to the hospital. The rains had finally come, so it was most definitely warmer and we thought that maybe we’d seen the last of the ice for a while. I apologised to the nurses for being ten minutes early in my visit only to find GMF already sitting there.
Afterwards, I returned to the beloved and a small family party, then for once we were able to head straight home without an evening visit. Despite the thaw the house seemed chilly, and at bedtime I discovered that the central heating boiler was on the blink. I reset it, but it started to sound like a jet engine warming up and all the radiators were suddenly red hot. I decided to switch it off, possibly terminally…
DEC 28 2010
When I got up, I tried to run the hot water tap and the boiler made a rather final sounding set of clunks and bangs that sounded like a “Goon Show” sound effect, and after finally tracking down a boiler engineer who was prepared to make an appearance, we realised that now washing and drying mum’s nightclothes was suddenly a small extra problem. Not good. Mum’s morning call did not sound good either, as she’s hadn’t slept due to all her coughing and she was standing up as she made the call (and adding to her own disorientation) as the nurse was making the bed.
At least shampooing her hair had finally been mentioned. This had been another source of worry.
Our evening visit had me very worried indeed as mum just looked so frail and the cough and the stomach issues seemed to be making her kind of give up to these weary eyes. We were sent away early because she was so tired and for the first time I got very upset when I reported in to my sister on the phone later. My sister had got laryngitis, but managed to croak a few words of encouragement and it did make her a better listener I expect. We decided that I should ring the ward to voice my concerns and they did at least tell me that they would keep a particular eye on her, although they didn’t seem unduly worried themselves.
DEC 29 2010
Mum’s morning call was very early (especially as I’d stayed up listening to cricket) but she seemed brighter despite some chest pain that had already passed. Later on there was a rare sighting of an actual Doctor on the ward doing the first rounds since before Christmas, and her chest infection was finally addressed. There will be more tests, more x-rays and a home care package was now being discussed.
Evening visiting had mum asking me whether Social Services have rung me after their long chat to her. I told her that they hadn’t.
DEC 30 2010
Mum’s phone call that morning told me of another bad night and the return of the stomach problems, and she also asked again whether Social Services had been in touch yet about what is going to happen after she gets home. To me, that possibility still seems a long way off. My mentioning of the beloved’s overnight migraine in relation to not being sure when I’d be able to time my visit got the concession that I have my problems too…
Maybe, at last, we are starting to understand each other.
And that brings us almost up to date and I’m hoping that these five pieces have in some small way explained why I’ve been so distracted during December. I’m sure I’ve been so brain-mashed for much of the time that I’ve left out (or simply forgotten) a lot of the detail, so, perhaps this isn't the WHOLE sorry saga after all, but I’ve found it pretty therapeutic to mull over and revisit what has been a strange month for me and my family.
As ever, I’m always aware that there are others having, a much harder time than we are, and if my month has even in some small way given me a taste of what it must be like for them then they have my deepest sympathies and whole-hearted admiration. All you can do is stick with it and hope that eventually there might just be a light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm sure that sometime soon there’ll be a “part six” to this our sorry, if not unusual, story, although I guess it might be becoming a very monotonous tale, and suspect things will just carry on in much the same vein for a little while yet. Nonetheless, I should like to thank you for indulging me and reading my thoughts on it.
We sit at the dawn of another year, and I hope everybody has as good a one as they reasonably can.
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