FIGHTING TIGERS DEVELOPMENT MEETING #14
THOSE PRESENT
THE POWERS THAT BE
THE PRODUCTION TEAM
MR GRAHAM (A LA-DE-DAH PIANIST)
THE POWERS THAT BE:
Welcome everyone to this, our latest
development meeting for our "Fighting Tigers" project. We’ve had a
look at the latest scripts and we have a few concerns.
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
Oh yes…?
THE POWERS THAT BE:
I’m afraid so. We’ve had a read-through
and there’s really not that much much diversity amongst this band of fighting
men fighting the war on the home front during the Second World War.
Not many foreigners ---
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
We've got a Scotsman ---
THE POWERS THAT BE:
Not many people with disabilities ---
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
Some of the gentlemen are quite deaf ---
THE POWERS THAT BE:
Well ---
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
And short sighted ---
THE POWERS THAT BE:
Not many women ---
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
There’s Mrs Pike ---
THE POWERS THAT BE:
There is, as you say, Mrs Pike ---
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
And we’re ticking a lot of boxes in
presenting positive images of the over fifties ---
THE POWERS THAT BE:
Be that as it may, we may have to come
back to this later in the meanwhile, we have some other issues ---
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
Oh yes…?
THE POWERS THAT BE:
It's the song ---
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
The song…?
THE POWERS THAT BE:
Yes --- We don't like these references to
Hitler
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
Hitler…?
THE POWERS THAT BE:
Yes --- People don’t like Hitler. He’s too
---
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
Real…?
THE POWERS THAT BE:
He’s too ---
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
Evil…?
THE POWERS THAT BE:
Yes --- Can’t we just say he’s a really
bad man…?
We don’t want to upset the Germans. They
don’t like being reminded of the bounder. While we're at it we're not too fond
of seeing all those swastikas in the title sequence either ---
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
Ah ---
THE POWERS THAT BE:
And then there’s all those references to
“the boys” ---
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
The boys…?
THE POWERS THAT BE:
Yes --- "the boys" well it's not
very inclusive is it?
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
I suppose…
THE POWERS THAT BE:
We're not all that keen on any references
to boys frankly…
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
The chaps…?
THE POWERS THAT BE:
Same problem!
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
The folk…?
THE POWERS THAT BE:
Too folksy --- We think “The People” would
be more appropriate --- and then there all all these references to “England”
when it really ought to represent the whole of this United Kingdom ---
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
We use the union flag on the titles ---
THE POWERS THAT BE:
Well, we’ve talked about those titles
already --- Anyway, what’s wrong with using
the word Britain?
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
Well ---
THE POWERS THAT BE:
Moving on, one of our main objections are
to this Mister Brown fellow --- does he have to be so gender specific? And do
we really have to use the name Brown…?
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
It kind of rhymes with town ---
THE POWERS THAT BE:
There you are, you see? That completely
disregards any countryside folk who might be watching --- and you’ve got him
heading off to work at eight twenty-one! --- What kind of a slacker is he? ---
Then the song refers to an International tragedy as a little game! That won’t
do at all! And there are all these references to guns --- we really don’t like
those at all!
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
There was a war on ---
THE POWERS THAT BE:
Now don't panic, don't panic, we have done
a rewrite --- Mister Graham, if you please ---
MR GRAHAM:
Who do you think you are kidding Mister
Bad Man
If you think we’re on the run
(but not in an escaped from prison kind of
a way)
We are the people who will stop your
international tragedy
We are the people who will make you
rethink your strategy
So who do you think you are kidding,
Mister Bad Man
If you think Great Britain’s done…?
The entire Smith family go off to work at
various times of day
But then get home safely at night hip-hip-hip
hooray!
So who do you think you are kidding,
Mister Bad Man
If you think Great Britain’s done…?
THE PRODUCTION TEAM:
Stupid boy!
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