HERON AID

Today I’ve got nothing I can think of to write about.

Either that, or I’m so crippled by jealousy, or rage, or frustration, or fatigue, that I can no longer think at all.

Granted, I could probably have written that sentence on any morning in the past six months, asking you to “delete as applicable” the choices that you think might not apply, and you would probably have believed me every single time.

However, today feels different… Today I really do feel hog-tied by jealousy, rage, frustration, or fatigue (at least one of them anyway) to know that I can’t think of anything for a very good reason, even if I’m not quite certain yet as to which of them the reason is going to turn out to be.

It’s difficult to tell…

I know that I’m angry with myself for not making more effort to promote myself, and that certain deadlines have now passed, and the fact that successes and plaudits are going to now be going to others instead of me is somehow not giving me any joy…

Other people are about to be finding well-deserved success and meanwhile, I’m not, and, it seems, am never likely to, and that’s grinding away at me and throwing me into a selfish pit of despair so deep that I believe that I’m unlikely to ever emerge from it…

Well, not for a while, anyway…

Perhaps it’s not been helped by the fact that some days recently have been “difficult” for me, and the fallout from the fallout has turned out to have its own kind of fallout…

So this morning, instead of writing, I found myself drawn to the “Springwatch” Red Button coverage of the bird sanctuary webcams and became fascinated by the images of a heron preening itself in the early morning light… (Followers of @MAW_H on Twitter will now be able to work out almost precisely when this post was being composed… and so our deepest, innermost secrets are ultimately revealed…) 

The Red Button “Springwatch” stuff is actually very therapeutic and relaxing, and I can’t recommend it highly enough for getting rid of the stresses and strains of the early morning angst, and it is, essentially, bird-watching from the comfort of your own sofa. Sometimes if feels a little like the old overnight “Big Brother” images (not that I watched those…) only with birds. In the early morning hours, it’s still far better entertainment than BBC Breakfast, though, even if there is the occasional “fecal sack moment” to put me right off my Fruit & Fibre...

Just what I needed... but still preferable to watching Bill and Susannah... No that’s not really fair. I used to like Bill. He is, after all, a bee-keeper and therefore can’t be all bad, although the “It’s all about me, really…” smugness of his various colleagues has never really appealed.

Anyway, back to the heron…

Uh-oh... I think he’s spotted us...