More than once recently I’ve reached the point of giving up on these vague musings and sending them out into the ether each day wondering whether it really is worth doing something when it fails to satisfy so few people in such a meagre number of ways.
“Ooh well... if you’re not being satisfied...”
Who said that? Ah yes, those oh-so familiar voices in my head which speak to me, and the scornful faces of those who dislike me, swim into my mind and jeer...
“We knew you couldn’t keep it up…”
“I’ll say! It was such a disappointment for a young girl…”
...because they’ve then transmogrified into a terrifying vision of Hattie Jacques in a “Carry On” film, smiling tartly with just the hint of a twinkle behind the eyes that this sort of thing, for an actress of her standing, is really beneath her…
“If only…” (Matron sighs and rolls her eyes coyly)
… but that she still finds it funny anyway, to be in at the creation of yet another fine, matronly dose of double entendre...
“I wish I was beneath her! Har, har, harrr!”
So, let’s get something straightened out…
“Ooh, yes please!”
“You asked me to give it to you straight once… Fnarf! Fnarf!”
…once and for all. Sometimes I just find it really hard...
“Think yourself lucky. I haven’t found anything hard since V.E. Day...”
“What did you say...?”
“V.E. day, dear... My that got his dander up!”
“I’ll say! Yak! Yak Yak!”
“Saucy!”
“Now, back in to bed with you...”
“I thought you’d never arsk!”
... Now, stop messing about. I was saying that I find really hard in the morning...
“No need to worry about that. It’s perfectly normal...”
“There’s nothing normal about that one...”
“Come now, nurse...”
“I nearly did, Matron...”
“Now it’s nothing you haven’t seen before...”
“I wouldn’t describe that as being nothing, Matron...”
…in the morning to come up…
“Oo-er!”
…with anything new to say. I seem to suffer from a series of small disappointments…
“Well you always will if it’s disappointingly small...”
…I don’t seem to get any ideas…
“That’s not what you said last night! Phwoar!”
…and I’m pretty regular…
“This’ll keep you regular, phnarf!”
…at losing my inspiration and my will is sometimes very weak…
“Yeees, that’s very common in a man of your age…”
…I mean, I’m hardly an expert at touch-typing…
“Well you’re just my type and you can touch me any time you like...”
…and sometimes it does seem like everyone’s got it in for me…
“Infamy! Infamy! They’ve all got it in for me!”
…sometimes the flesh is willing…
“Frying tonight!”
…but the will is still weak…
“Yes, I had noticed…”
“Fire at will!”
“’ere, what you got against Will…?”
…but then, every time I do decide to stop, I find an excuse to start again, sometimes thinking that I should try instead to be a “Once a week” man…
“I was once a weak man…”
“Once a week should be enough for any man!”
…Sometimes I just lose all interest in doing it at all…
“Yeees, that’s very common in a man of your age…”
Didn’t we do that one already…?
“Well you try keeping it up all the time”
“Chance’d be a fine thing…”
“There’s nothing fine about my thing…”
“Oh, I don’t know…” (Matron sighs and rolls her eyes coyly)
Oh… please yourselves….
Masterful - you and I are sharing the same conundrum currently. I am dealing with it by just writing any old waffle and bunging it up anyway (but you will have noticed)and I'm thing that writing is more important that great writing. On the subject of frequency: I was led to believe early on that if you wanted to be read then you should always blog at regular and expected intervals and always advertise it. Well, who knows?
ReplyDeleteJust what I mean halfway through that I have no idea.
ReplyDelete"Oooh! It just won't doooo, you know..."
Delete;-)
M.