PUBLISHING MYSTERIES

Publishing these minor fripperies online is a constant minefield of mysteries to me. Why, for example, should episode 12 of my little advent story from last Christmas suddenly get so much attention the following August? Is the word “post” particularly exciting in some corners of Eastern Europe? Otherwise, well I’ve just read it back myself and there’s nothing within the text that strikes me as being the kind of thing to garner such attention from Russia, Germany, the Ukraine and even from  France during the “hot” summer months, just a little bit of nonsense about a fictional police constable going about his business…

In a similarly confusing vein, after being mostly ignored or dismissed as being rather silly, a short review I wrote two years ago on Amazon finally got the kind of response I had hoped for when I first wrote it when, this week, someone commented upon it favourably in the same spirit in which it was written. Prior to this, only 5 out of 11 people ever having found it “helpful”, or, in other words, more than fifty percent of anyone who chose to comment at all found those words as irritating as hell. Sadly, trying to spoof a style of wordsmithery that is already a spoof itself is probably not all that wise when you’re tangling with giants of the art, especially when you are swimming about in the murky waters of a mundane field like online retail, but my humble attempt did, at last, find someone who “got” the gag and deemed it to be a “Wonderfully entertaining, cleverly appropriate review”.

Coo…

Still, as a review of a review, I could hardly ask for better, so thank you, Christopher, whoever you are. Really, it was appreciated hereabouts, even though I absolutely know that you should never read your own reviews, for that way madness lies, nevertheless, it is nice to get a kind word for your efforts every now and again.

To be honest, I hadn’t looked at that piece all that much since I first wrote it, and so I was rather surprised when I read it again that it actually impressed me a little, too. In fact, I could hardly remember writing it at all, although I know that I did. Some of the fruitier phraseology I clearly remember forming in my mind, but how the whole jigsaw puzzle came together is, like a lot of what I write, a bit of a mystery whenever I return to it later. Even some of the plays I’ve concocted sometimes feel as if they came from somewhere else when I dig them out again, and it is almost as if I write them whilst I’m in some kind of mental “zone” as I do them.

Anyway, I’m republishing it here just because, well, sometimes things can surprise me as much as anyone else a couple of years later and also because I can, really, and also, there’s nothing else I can think of to share with you today. Imagine this spoken in your best Stephen Fry voice and maybe, just maybe, you’ll get it too. See what you think:

The comedy sketch or "skit" show can be a rum old cove make no mistake, and so it was with some slack-trousered trepidatoriness that I approached the purchase of the comic plum that is indeed THE COMPLETE A BIT OF FRY AND LAURIE.

 For it is a sad yet jolly truism that this is the form of comedy most prone to (dare I say it? Yes I dare...) becoming dated. That is to say, less than sparklingly up-to-the-minute and more last century's leftover haggis-and-rissole pie. They can be somewhat hit and, if I may be so bold, miss affairs.

 And so it is with much joy that I can assure you of the timelessness of these exquisite offerings - barring of course the occasional mention of such luminaries of the age as Mr Kenneth of Baker - remains intact. Delicious morsels of comic nuggetry can be consumed in the knowledge that they remain as fresh as if left on the top shelf of your refrigerator in a Tupperware recepticle of maximum efficiency.

 All four delightful little series performed by the divinely bejacketed twosome are included across 5 shiny little diskettes of mounting magnificence. Messrs Fry and Laurie have long moved on from this kind of business, and so it is with great sadness that I must impart that we are unlikely to see them performing the likes of these handsome preparations again, and thusly we should embrace the legacy that Master Stephen and Master Hugh have left us with a certain amount of joy and thankfulness.

 The crème caramel known (most splendidly) as disc one has upon its glittering surface 6 gorgeous episodettes forming series one where young Stephen and younger Hugh begin their long-suffering quest for joculous immortality. But hold! For there is more! For the so-called "pilot" precedes them all, and what a fruitsome concoction it makes.

 The delicate buffet that calls itself disc two (or indeed the second disc) contains - alongside the six delicate buttercups that form the complete series two - a long forgotten comedy jewel, the Cambridge Footlights Review programme roughly hewn by the BBC into proud and plump televisual shape from its foul maggoty stage persona.

 With the inevitability of an unloved season, disc three can be inserted in your slot to bring you, rather naturally, the morsel of loveliness comprising the complete series three and that will bring you naturally into the vicinity of the moist towellette that is series four, which splits itself unevenly across the aptly monickered discs four and, not to but too fine a point on it, five. To some, that remains a fetid bowl of misguided slurry, to others it is the extra marshmallow in the raspberry sundae of life. Alas, dear reader, on this you may only judge for yourself.

 Scrumptious!

I wuz obviously a better writist then than wot I am now.

“Self publishing” was quite a hot topic on the local news recently as a writer of minor league thrillers has suddenly become a Kindle best seller by making his latest novel available on that platform. It’s strange how much the world of publishing is shifting and I’m sure that in the interests of self-interest they’ll be plugging that loophole fairly soon, but well done to him.

Of course this will mean countless thousands of failed authors trying much the same thing, all convinced that it was only the stupidity of the publishing companies that was holding their genius back from worldwide exposure and publishing glory, and, I imagine, in a few cases, that might very well be the case, although I’ve read one or two published works that haven’t exactly convinced me that publishers have much of a clue, either…

Happily for the literary world, I have no personal ambitions in that particular direction at all, so you can all sleep safely in your beds knowing that your Kindles will not be tainted by the thoughts of Chairman Mawh any time soon.