PHILODOX 301115

"Be very wary of Professor Philodox, Watson" warned Holmes, "there's far less to him than he would have you believe...!"

They call me a philodox
Can't believe the ire it arouses
If you disagree with me - then a pox
On all your houses

"Philodox" (from Kelvin Clone) - we believe it's our best fragrance ever, despite what they're all telling you

You know what I think -
In my opinion I'm
Not a philodox

The philodox paradox is a discussion forum without a comments section

Turns out my next-door neighbour
Must have been (a) philodox -
His weekly letters to the paper
Filled up the local pillar box

Philodox -
°A person with an excessive interest in his own opinions.

ADDUBITATION 291115

"I imagine that, in the unlikely addubitation of your stories for cinema, Watson" said Holmes "I would be played by some idiot"

I attempted addubitation
But I began to have my doubts
These days it requires much persuasion
To get me to leave the house

"Addubitation" (from Kelvin Clone) - the fragrance so evolved that you'll doubt that it's just expensive smelly water

Nothing ever changed -
Despite addubitation
It all stayed the same

The coming of sound often required dubious addubitation of movies for international markets.

Addubitation -
°The quality of being adapted; adaption; adjustment.
°Adjustment to extant conditions: as, adjustment of a sense organ to the intensity or quality of stimulation; modification of some thing or its parts that makes it more fit for existence under the conditions of its current environment

GRAVITAS 281115

"As Moriarty & I grappled above Reichenbach, Watson" said Holmes, "I don't believe he understood the gravitas of his situation"

It's important to have dignity
Decorum and gravitas -
But nowadays you get more peer respect
If you post a picture of your ass

"Gravitas" (from Kelvin Clone) - the fragrance with an ad campaign so pretentious we hope you'll forget it's just smelly water

Ambitions shattered -
Releasing naked photos
Pricked his gravitas

Henri Gravitas invented special underwear to disguise a saggy bottom but it was a bit of a let down

Gravitas -
°Seriousness in bearing or manner; dignity.
°substance, weight.

FEBRILE 271115

"If you don't stop this febrile attempt at misdirection" warned Holmes "things could get pretty warm for you...!"

She told me the dish was febrile
But I didn't ask her why -
I checked it after a little while
A burnt hand for a piece of pie

"Febrile" (from Kelvin Clone) - the fragrance that's hot stuff

Lying in the dark
Febrile mind ticking over -
Things are hotting up

State of the planet the humans lived on: febrile

Their attempts to do something about that: feeble

The Pharoah was feeling unwell
Running a fever all febrile -
Didn't want to admit it, you could tell
Threw himself in denial

Febrile -
°Feverish, or having a high temperature.
°Full of nervous energy.

OTIOSE 261115

"After a prolonged period of otiose behaviour, the case of the Sussex cereal grower brought Mr Sherlock Holmes back to life..."

My poetic life is otiose
I'm blaming the writer's block -
Thankfully it seems no one will know
Thanks to a visitor from Porlock

"Otiose" (from Kelvin Clone) - the colourless, odourless fragrance that still costs more per ounce than gold

Intolerable
Otiose behaviour -
Not acted upon

After the bottom fell out of the porridge market, I thought about making biscuits called "Otiose" but then couldn't be bothered

Otiose -
°Resulting in no effect.
°Reluctant to work or to exert oneself.

PARADIGM 251115

"I fear, Watson, that my failure to solve the Paradigm Case will make an example of us..." said Holmes, archetypically

God hoped to create a paradigm
An example for us all
Then booted them from paradise
Because of one small fall

"Paradigm" (from Kelvin Clone) - the unique fragrance that... all the others are based upon...

Finds younger model -
Embracing the paradigm
Is such a cliche

"Take me down to the paradigm city where the grass is obviously green and the girls conform to your ideal of what is pretty..."

Paradigm -
°An example serving as a model or pattern.
°(linguistics) A set of all forms which contain a common element, especially the set of all inflectional forms of a word or a particular grammatical category.

ODALISQUE 241115

"Our client, Madame Odalisque, is devoted to her virginity, Watson" explained Holmes "but she's not a slave to it..."

Somewhere behind the ottoman
There hid a frightened odalisque
Hoping to escape by being forgotton
But this wasn't without risk

"Odalisque" (from Kelvin Clone) - the fragrance which definitely still has its cherry in essence

A timid young girl
Made to be an odalisque -
Terrifying thought

The odalisque grew up to be a odalady, and still you'd hear her owners yodelling odalady who...?

Odalisque -
(n) : a female, virginal slave in the Ottoman Seraglio; a representation of an odalisque in a painting

Tried to be whimsical with "odalisque" (today's #artwiculate WOTD) - but the very idea (& un-PC nature) does leave a bad taste in the mouth

MUSS 231115

"Mrs Hudson took one look at the room & said we muss try harder, Watson" said Holmes "but how much more chaotic could it get?"

Mum began to cuss
"What is all this muss?"
She's making such a fuss
Dad is such a wuss
He's heading for the bus
Just becus...

"Muss" (from Kelvin Clone) - the fragrance that shows that you can take the rough with the smooth

Chaos theory:
Only tidy the muss up
If it bothers you

The King looked around the Prince's playroom, sighed, and said "Into each reign some life muss fall..."

Muss -
°to rumple or make (something) untidy.
°a disorderly mess.

BALLYHOO 221115

"You, my dear Watson, need to create a ballyhoo" said Holmes "whilst I sneak inside and find the stolen documents..."

Despite the ballyhoo
And all of the palaver
Turns out everybody knew
That it wasn't worth the drama

"Ballyhoo" (from Kelvin Clone) - the fragrance that everyone will shout about until they realise it's a load of old non-scents

Rows at the dance school -
Ballyhoo in ballet shoes
And yet there's no point

Ballyhoo, the rowdy and ultimately disappointing older brother that Dr Hoo never told you about...

Ballyhoo -
°Sensational or clamorous advertising or publicity.
°Noisy shouting or uproar.
°To sensationalise or make grand claims.

SNAPPER'S BLUES

Today it is too foggy
Yesterday was very icy -
My early morning photography
Is getting rather dicey

IDIOSYNCRATIC 211115

These villains are an idiosyncratic pair, Watson" said Holmes "two fools in perfect harmony..."

I'm considered idiosyncratic
And I suppose it must be true
But I always know its neatest trick
Is in making me different to you

"Idiosyncratic" (from Kelvin Clone) - the unique fragrance that nobody else will want to wear

Enjoy the quirky -
They're idiosyncratic -
Consider the odds

I once took the Idiosyncratic Oath - "Above all, do not clone..."

Idiosyncratic -
(adj) : Peculiar to a specific individual; eccentric

ATRABILIOUS 201115

"I always suffer from an atrabilious attack, Watson" said Holmes "after a bowl of Mrs Hudson's Sprout Surprise"

I am a tad atrabilious
This much I must confess
It's because no-one seems much fussed
That this world is such a mess

"Atrabilious" (from Kelvin Clone) - the fragrance that reminds you of just how empty your life must be to want it so much

Struggling to live
The life atrabilious -
Not living at all

An atrabilious confession - could it be that I'm actually not really very happy at all...? Is that even allowed these days...?

Atrabilious -
°characterized by melancholy.
°ill-natured; malevolent.

STENTORIAN 191115

"There's something in that fellow's voice, Watson, that tells me he's an Old Stentorian" whispered Holmes

I wish I was more stentorian
Then the poems that I write
Could be heard in an auditorium
Instead of being hidden out of sight

"Stentorian" (from Kelvin Clone) - the fragrance that really makes a statement

The former seaman
In his stentorian tones
Cried "Look out: Bellow!"

"What this Roman army needs is a stentorian centurian" said the general, as he struggled to clear his throat

Stentorian -
°(of a voice) loud, powerful, booming, suitable for giving speeches to large crowds.

ONIOCHALASIA 181115

"From the amount of vegetables stored here the victim had a rare form of oniochalasia, Watson" said Holmes "and he was pickled"

Collecting was his passion
Oniochalasia was his curse
When there was a new fashion
It only made it worse

"Oniochalasia" (from Kelvin Clone) - the fragrance that, if you keep on buying it, we'll keep on supplying it

When you're suffering
From oniochalasia -
It's all appealing

The coroner ruled it was oniochalasia when the mountains of stuff he'd bought collapsed on top of him - he'd had a relax...

Oniochalasia -
°The purchasing of objects as a form of mental relaxation.

PENULTIMATUM 171115

"So, I said to Moriarty" explained Holmes "Don't think of it as a penultimatum, more as not-quite-the final problem..."

We're drawing a line
Issuing a penultimatum -
And that would be fine
If you took heed of any of 'em

"Penultimatum" (from Kelvin Clone) - we're giving you just two more chances to make some sense out of our advertising campaign

Here's to the latest
Penultimatum - one thing
After another

You could tell me meant his penultimatum this time... Instead of using a pencil, he'd written it with a biro.

Penultimatum -
°Coming next-to-last in a sequence.
°(linguistics) Of or pertaining to a penult.
°A next-to-last thing.

(Incorrect definition - again! - I might have to jack this in)

LACHRYMOSE 161115

"The wretched woman is lachrymose, Watson" said Holmes "I think that this is more your area of expertise, dear fellow..."

When the world is stained
It makes us all so lachrymose
Yet what is to be gained
When the butchers lack remorse?

"Lachrymose" (from Kelvin Clone) - the fragrance made from the tears of a million small furry animals in every bottle

A billion tears
From the lachrymose masses
Still changes nothing

Never, ever smile at a lachrymose crocodile... they're the most dangerous...

Lachrymose -
°tearful, sorrowful, sad, pertaining to tears, weeping, causing tears or crying.

BESTIR 151115

Holmes burst in "Bestir yourself, Watson! The game's afoot!" he bellowed, before pausing to add "Oh, I see you already are...!"

On these dark cold mornings
It's easy to concur
That the last thing that you want to do
Is to have to bestir

"Bestir" (from Kelvin Clone) - the fragrance that will really get you up in the mornings

What else must they do
Before the frightened masses
Will bestir ourselves?

Some days, the bestir I can manage is to put a spoon into my tea mug and hope

Bestir -
°To put into brisk or vigorous action; to move with life and vigor.
°To become active; to rouse oneself.

COMPOTATION 141115

"Meet Miss Dylis MacCavity, Watson" said Holmes "a human computer who, by my compotation, drinks far too much port..."

It took some contemplation
And really made me think
But considering compotation
Could drive someone to drink

"Compotation" (from Kelvin Clone) the fragrance that tastes far better than it smells

Taking my measures
Digital compotation -
Fingers of whisky

"Computation classes seldom lead to compotation glasses" (Proverbs for the digital age)

Compotation -
°The act or process of computing; calculation; reckoning.
°The result of computation; the amount computed.

(Incorrect definition)

ALAR 131115

"Ever since they raised the alar, Watson" said Holmes "this case has had a bitter stench to it..."

She sniffed the air
Smelled me coming from afar
I hadn't bathed for weeks
For the love of alar

"Alar" (from Kelvin Clone) - the fragrance that really is the pits

I have no weapon -

An empty alar holster

Always underarmed

Alar armchairs for sale, available in finishes to hirsute all tastes

Alar -

°(anatomy) of or relating to the armpit; axillary.
°Having, resembling, or composed of wings or alae.
°A growth-regulating chemical sprayed on fruit trees; entire crop can be harvested at one time; daminozide.

PEJORIST 121115

"Watson, I think this 'fine fellow' Lord Pejorist is a crooked man in an increasingly crooked world - but I'm not one to judge"

An amateur pejorist
He got by on his looks -
Things took a turn for the worst
When he cooked his Law books

"Pejorist" (from Kelvin Clone) - the verdict is that it's a fragrance that really isn't going to get any better than this

A true pejorist -
He wants the world to stop in -
The name of the law

A pejorist might say to a pessimist "Cheer up mate, there probably isn't going to be time for that to happen..."

Pejorist -
°a judge.
°an expert in law or jurisprudence

(incorrect definition)

WELL… I'D BUY IT...

VESTIGIAL 111115

"They may very well be vestigial, Watson" explained Holmes "but I still need to examine those remains..."

She'd been round the houses
That much is certain -
But she still called herself
A vestigial virgin

"Vestigial" (from Kelvin Clone) - the fragrance that's basically just the dregs

Hopes vestigial -
Dreams melted piece after piece
In time's crucible

Young Stan never wore a vestigial under his shirt, and, to be fair, it would have made little difference.

Vestigial -
°Of or pertaining to a vestige or remnant; like a trace from the past.
°Not fully developed in mature animals.

MILQUETOAST 101115

"Believe me, Watson, this fellow Milquetoast might seem harmless enough, but he commits a big slice of London's crime!"

I should make it plain -
I'm a bit of a milquetoast
You might like me to explain
But I'm not one to boast

"Milquetoast" (from Kelvin Clone) - the fragrance that tries not to draw attention to itself

Brown, white, thick or thin -
The milquetoast would quite like to
Inherit the earth

As a breakfast of champions, milquetoast seldom makes the best soldiers

Milquetoast -
°meek, timid.
°A person of meek or timid disposition.

DIATRIBE 091115

"Is your diatribe over, Watson? Because the game's afoot!" said Holmes.
"I only said 'Good Morning'" I replied wearily.

When I started blogging
(My "daily diatribe" some might say)
All my literary aspirations
Just turned into "Rant of the Day"

"Diatribe" (from Kelvin Clone) - the fragrance that will really give you something to shout about

A full diatribe
Is not easy to achieve
In the haiku form

Not wanting to be in the diatribe became a long and impassioned explanation as to why I would never have wanted to join a gym.

Diatribe -

°An abusive, bitter denunciation.
°A prolonged discourse.

FELICIFICABILITY 081115

"The opportunities for felicificability in dictionary publishing are many, Watson" said Holmes "but it keeps me happy...!"

These short acts of "poetry"
Can be subject to felicificability -
So, whilst they may seem crappy
Word-wrangling keeps me happy

"Felicificability" (from Kelvin Clone) - the fragrance that is the genuine article, you'll be pleased to hear

Artifice creates
Felicificability -
Happiness prevails

Felicity had a felicificability to bring joy to everyone she met, and such rare natural talents aren't something you can fake

Felicificability-
°The quality of being falsifiable (incorrect definition)