I DON'T

I don't have a Christmas Tale to tell you all this year.

Once upon a time, I thought that I did, and had great plans to once again disappoint "you few, you happy few, you noble band of sufferers followers..." with another of those mildly festive twenty-five part tales which I've tried concocting from time to time.

You may remember them vaguely...?

No...?

Ah... So much for that then...

They are, of course, troublesome beasts, sitting there as they do, as so many slabs of unshiftable leaden semi-prose, a great big immovable object in my schedule which can so seldom allow me to slide "off message" for the period of advent but which also prevents me from having to make many of my usually - or at the very least potentially - unfashionable observations about the "season of goodwill", thus saving us all from a great deal of awkward embarrassment, given that my works of fiction usually only embarrass myself.

There was, however, a plan "B" although, technically, that was actually plan "A" given that I thought of it first, or stole the idea first, depending upon your point of view.

Plan "B" was, perhaps, even less exciting and, as I can see from the faded "Post-It" note still sticking to the side of my screen, invoved just posting one picture a day from something "Christmassy" and calling it, perhaps optimistically "The 25 Best Things Ever!!!" which, of course, is very subjective and open to ridicule from anyone who's opinion of what their own particular "25 Best Things Ever" might not coincide with mine.

Which would, of course, be pretty much everyone...

You will perhaps be pleased, or disappointed (because it's very much a matter of opinion) to discover that there was actually a brand-new story brewing up in my mind once (I had a murder mystery in mind...), but it seemed to get away from me along with time, and, given that the season is pretty much upon us, I can now safely more than suspect that it's just not going to happen, which is, perhaps a shame, given that I had a "locked-room" mystery in mind which would fool absolutely no-one, but which might have given its readers the Christmas gift of realising how much smarter than me they actually are.

I'm sorry, but I just couldn't summon the energy or find the mood, although you are more than welcome to read last year's one again if you like, or even try writing one yourself and letting me read it...

Merry Christmas...