DIFFICULT PATCH

I think that we're going through a difficult patch, you and I.

Oh, it's not your fault, of course, it's totally down to me, but nevertheless our relationship is definitely becoming a rather rocky one at the moment as we traverse that proverbial rough patch which all relationships go through.

We have, after all, been together now for quite a few years and familiarity is bound to breed a certain amount of contempt, and we can all start to take each other for granted, or perhaps become slightly predictable, when we see each other each and every day, and I do tend to give the impression that my opinions are the only ones that really matter as I pontificate about this and that without letting you get a word in edgewise.

It's not been helped, of course, by recent events, and I have become more closed in on myself, more introspective, as the difficulties which I've been going through have seeped into other aspects of my life and allowed me to cultivate that self-indulgent air of doom and gloom which might once have appeared endearing but which is now, I'm sure, just becoming a little bit wearying and tiresome.

After all, when it's difficult to think at all, it certainly becomes more difficult to communicate with those around you who deserve the better part of you, given that it's you who put in all of the effort to come here every day whereas I just sit here and indulge myself by doing my own thing, no matter how ineffectual that particular thing might be feeling of late.

And then there's also the creeping self doubt that I've cultivated inside myself, about which you understand very little I'm sure, but which comes from both a lack of confidence and a slight sense that there's nothing left that I can say that you would want to listen to anyway, and sometimes it feels better to say nothing when there's nothing to say, although the fact that I'm saying this right now rather belies my faith in that particular argument.

It's just another classic example of my own rank hypocrisy, I suppose... and more evidence in the growing stack of my faults which you are no doubt collecting to throw back at me later.

I don't blame you.

I'm sure that I'd feel exactly the same way if the tables were turned because I'd be the first to admit that it's a very one-sided affair and that it is all about me, me, me and not allowing much space for anyone else to get a look in.

The thing is, of course, is whether we're prepared to actually do anything about it....?

Are we going to put in the effort, do the hard slog, and put in the time to make things right...?

Or do we finally pull the plug, cut our losses, and head off in each of our separate directions, never to return...?

Well... It looks as if we've both got something to think about, don't we...?

Maybe I'll come back when we've all had time to let the dust settle and think about a few things and come to a few decisions.

See you tomorrow, then...?

Same time, same place...

I'll be here, but will you...?