Here’s a little thing I’ve been putting together. My late, lamented friend and colleague was one for the pithy phrase. It may be "too soon' but this thing I'm working on is inspired by him. If
anyone who knew or worked with him wants to suggest some extra verses, or if a musician can put it together
in an Ian Dury, eighties techno-beat groovy kind of a way, that would be
lovely, too (although I'm now getting a funky big band jazz beat when I read these to myself)…
Sometimes I try to convince myself that I'm something of a "sort of" poet, but I think I'm beginning to suspect that there once was a true poet amongst us, although he might not have even recognised it himself...
It'd bring tears to a glass eye...
Sometimes I try to convince myself that I'm something of a "sort of" poet, but I think I'm beginning to suspect that there once was a true poet amongst us, although he might not have even recognised it himself...
It'd bring tears to a glass eye...
THE McNICHOLAS RAP
There are no pockets in shrouds
There are no pockets in shrouds
Now I’ve got my own cloud
There are no pockets in shrouds
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
What time do you call this?
What time do you call this?
Is he taking the piss?
What time do you call this?
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
Shit the bed, Lloydy?
Shit the bed, Lloydy?
You’re in bloody early
Shit the bed, Lloydy?
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
It’s a Kevin Parrott Job
It’s a Kevin Parrott job
What a flippin’ knob
It’s a Kevin Parrott job
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
Anyone got any mark-ups?
Anyone got any mark-ups?
It’s just a storm in a D-Cup
Anyone got any mark-ups?
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
He’s as useful as a chocolate fireguard
He’s as useful as a chocolate fireguard
Though I hold him in highest regard
He’s as useful as a chocolate fireguard
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
I like my coffee like my women
I like my coffee like my women
I’ll have one if you’re going
I like my coffee like my women
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
Don't take any wooden nickels
Don't take any wooden nickels
They’ll get you in a pickle
Don't take any wooden nickels
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
There are no pockets in shrouds
There are no pockets in shrouds
Now I’ve got my own cloud
There’s still no pockets in shrouds
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
Some new verses courtesy of Alan and the two Andy's…
If brains were gunpowder
If brains were gunpowder
You’d not have enough to blow your hat asunder
If brains were gunpowder
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
If your Aunt had bollocks
If your Aunt had bollocks
She’d be your Uncle
If your Aunt had bollocks
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
Bullshit baffles brains
Bullshit baffles brains
Where’s that Tony Payne?
Bullshit baffles brains
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
He’s talking through the hole in his arse
He’s talking through the hole in his arse
This thing’s a total farce
He’s talking through the hole in his arse
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
Give him enough ammo
Give him enough ammo
And he’ll shoot himself
If you give him enough ammo
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
Spectacles, Testicles
Spectacles, Testicles
Wallet and watch
Spectacles, Testicles
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
I’m a bloody mushroom
I’m a bloody mushroom
Kept in the dark and fed shit
I’m a bloody mushroom
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
He’s taking you for a mug
He’s taking you for a mug
Is that a syrup or a rug?
He’s taking you for a mug
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
He must think I’m wet
He must think I’m wet
Behind the flippin’ ears
He must think I’m wet
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
I don’t trust that stupid get
I don’t trust that stupid get
He’s too hearty a fellow well met
I don’t trust that stupid get
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
If you believe that
If you believe that
You’ll believe anything
If you believe that
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
Yeah, and if your Aunt had bollocks she’d be your uncle…
More verses...
It'd bring tears to a glass eye
More verses...
It'd bring tears to a glass eye
It'd bring tears to a glass eye
Always better to laugh than cry
It'd bring tears to a glass eye
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
It's not a meal without spuds
It's not a meal without spuds
Finish that and you'll get your puds
It's not a meal without spuds
Patience is a virtue
Seldom found in a man…
(ALL) “…and never in a woman”
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