The other day, I was reading a mildly flippant piece of someone else’s witterings in a book that I was recently bought. The book is one of those rather lovely bits of anthology nonsense that I quite enjoy, containing a series of articles and essays under the banner “The Gentleman’s Instant Genius Guide” written by Tom Cutler, and is rather a lot of fun, and just the sort of thing that’s perfect for putting next to the loo to entertain your guests (after you’ve finished reading it yourself of course).
One of the items that I was reading at that particular time rather struck a chord with much which has been preoccupying me lately, namely the subject of “popularity” or, as he so eloquently put it “How to be more popular than your dog”.
The article, after suggesting that wives should never let their husbands go out walking the dog alone as dogs are basically “babe magnets”, contained much that was wise on the subject of becoming “popular”, and lists sixteen hints and tips which should assist you on the rocky road towards “popularity”, and, should you wish to follow them, I’m sure that they will help you to achieve such a thing, however, I now feel that I should explain why, I imagine, they would never work for me…
- Stop thinking about yourself. Oh dear, I fall at the first hurdle. After all, what is the noble martial art of bloggerage if it is not writing and thinking about yourself? Well, there is, of course (well there would be…) an argument that it is not about the self (or that occasional accusation of self-aggrandisement) at all, but that, I suspect is a discussion for another day.
- Be cheerful. Bugger…!
- Stop moaning. Again… We’re really not doing all that well so far, are we…?
- Ask questions and listen to the answers when you get them. Well, I kind of do the first part, at least when I actually meet people, sometimes to an almost irritating degree, but the second part rather lets me down. Someone was telling me something about this the other day, but I didn’t listen to them, so God only knows what it was.
- Relax. Back to the “fail” column again. sorry.
- Do people a favour occasionally. Neither shopping for your mother nor doing the washing up at home probably count as that, do they? Strangely, I’m rarely asked to do favours (except for the occasional “arty” thing) possibly does to my now almost legendary lack of competence at, well, anything much at all, really…
- Be warm. Again my frosty, glacial (lack of) personality finds me wanting here…
- Be rich. Never going to happen.
- Don’t try too hard. At last! One that I can excel at! Got any more like that…?
- Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. I’ll take that as a no, then… Actually, to be fair, I can seldom be anyone else. The façade is wafer thin, so, with a bit of work I might be able to manage that one.
- You don’t have to be gorgeous. Suddenly we’re on a roll here…
- Be confident. Uh-oh…
- Be able to speak. Yep! Can do! Sometimes getting me to shut up is more of a problem. Oh, he means filling those embarrassing silences. Hmmm… Tricky…
- Be bothered. In other words “make an effort”. Oh Lordy!
- Join in a bit. Oh cripes… I’m just going to have to accept that “popularity” is really unlikely to ever be my particular “bag” is it…?
- Lower your expectations. Hold on! Maybe there’s hope for me after all…!
(Suggested by an essay contained within “The Gentleman’s Instant Genius Guide” by Tom Cutler, published by Constable & Robinson Ltd and - in my opinion - a bloody good read for a chap).
Great! Always worked for me (apart from the rich bit).
ReplyDeleteFail on all counts. Maybe I should get a dog.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm...!
ReplyDelete