FEEDBACK LOOP(iness)

Well we’ve come to the end of my first complete month in the strange new (to me at least) world of bloggerage, and I thought it might be nice to pull up a chair, sit down and take a look at what’s been going on. This whole piece looks like it might get to be a bit self-indulgent and could possibly even get quite tedious (although no more than usual, ho! ho!), so I really, really understand if you want to stop reading now. No harm, no foul, I’ll just assume I’ve probably frightened you off forever with a bit of ill-judged reflectiveness that might be much too early in the process to be even remotely relevant, but this is the thing tiptoeing furtively across my mind today, and if you detect any faint whispers of irony, then I wouldn’t be at all surprised.

Anyway, it’s probably wisest to do these things whilst the enthusiasm’s still hanging on in there by its very fingertips. Make the most of things, strike whilst the iron’s hot and so forth. The “wilderness years” of 2011-15 still lie ahead of us at the moment, and what fun they didn’t turn out to be for everyone.

Still here? Okay then. The “stats” tab tells me some things. An amazing (well I think it’s amazing) 620 plus page views (mind you 200 or so of them appear to be dating from before I started writing anything at all – hmmm… maybe that’s a route to consider…), including a surprising 22 from the USA (Hi there!) and 11 from France (Bonjour!) and one each from Thailand (สวัสดี) and Denmark (Hej) although I’m assuming they were mostly just misdirected from researching something much more interesting and probably didn’t hang around to read the actual idiocy presented here.

Statistics are funny old things that can tell you a lot whilst simultaneously telling you nothing at all. What was it that was suddenly of such interest to a solitary Thai person? What is the French connection? Are all these views a deliberate desire to read this old guff, or just “quick looks” or does anyone actually take the time out of their busy day to do a “thorough read”? Is it just the same dozen people coming back for another look all the time…? …or maybe taking another opportunity to laugh and point…? …or thinking “what’s the old fool rabbiting on about now…? Just shut up we don’t care!” (That’s what I hear in my head, naturally).

However, I’m completely honoured, flabbergasted and even rather touched and moved by the fact that a mighty seven of you have chosen to “follow” my strange mutterings, witterings and rantings… because when I did my first tappity-tappings on the keyboard, I didn’t really expect anything like that to happen, and I’m still not sure quite what “following” actually involves. I “follow” another bloggington myself at the moment, but I don’t get little email messages or anything telling me when it has been updated, so I imagine that, like I have to, this magnificent seven all have to make some kind of actual conscious decision to return to this weird place which I suppose is pretty wonderful of you all if I think about it. Thank you.  Still, I guess “following” must mean something alternative to what I think it does in the parlance of the wacky worldwide web, I’m just not sure quite what that something is…

Some of you have also chosen to give me rather delightful feedback once or twice, and sometimes put so very well that it has made my own sentences seem stilted and dull in comparison, but it’s been rather nice to engage in the ancient martial art of “verbal bloginage” with you, and it does make the whole experience more rich and entertaining than I could have hoped for or expected. Crikey! You’re a thoughtful bunch. Maybe we should start a “movement”…? “The Blogfordshire Set” perhaps…? - if that’s not being too pretentious…? The Blogerati? (I told you I’d be self-indulgent…).

So what have we covered over these last few weeks? Some thoughts on poetry; Some insights into the dark thoughts that can rattle around the head in the early, early morning; Any number of middle-of-the-night insomniac ravings (oddly those were the most read of all, which might just confirm the madness that some of you may have already suspected); The quite personal, but strange tale of the events surrounding the demise of my father; Some pretty awful and much unloved dalliances with fictional prose; Some less than thrilling insights into my own less-than “Top Gear” worthy car history, and a number of flights of fancy about a rather run-down little shop.

A high point (for me) was young “Rick” being inspired to write and send me a story he wrote which had been inspired by one of my postings (I really never expected that) and of course young “akh” and his inspirational observations telling little old me that I was inspiring him and how he might yet make great art from his own bloggeration. Go for it, young man, go for it. I’m already anticipating my signed copy of the novel (even if I’ll probably have to buy it myself).

Then there was the “schism” where I decided that the ramblings of were initially just the reports on the fledgling writers’ group might be of little interest to the wider world and needed dumping into some other place where I could guide the unwary towards if they really wanted me to, and so I tore the bloggage in two. Later on of course, it provided me with somewhere to hide those “less-than creative writing” experiments when I was slightly embarrassed by them but weirdly still not embarrassed enough to delete them forever, on the grounds that someone might be able to help me do better if they can see them “warts and all”.

The fact that some of you did still choose to seek them out either means that you are gluttons for punishment, or there might just be the glimmer of a possibility of them having a tincture of merit somewhere in their chaotic existence. So, for example, if you are interested, “Caterina and the Waves” (a midnight thought-ramble that I immediately regretted publishing when I woke the next day) now has a full(ish) storyline plotted if not actually written, so the “bite-sized” novelette it might yet evolve into is becoming more of a possibility. (“Whoop-de-doo!” as I’m sure none of you are thinking). I’m also considering throwing some of my scripts up into the electronic air for anyone with a fair amount of spare screen-time to plough through, should they wish. Scripts can be funny (i.e. strange, no humour in them to speak of) old things to read, but again, having someone else read them at all might just help me improve them.

So, looking to the future in the vain hope I can convince you there’s some kind of plan to all this occasionally esoteric or eclectic rattling out of pointless verbiage of little importance, substance or consequence (I always was my own worst critic…) what can I promise you if you choose to continue with this strange journey we’re on? Masses of disappointment, obviously, and the inevitable fizzling out of enthusiasm, of course, will be natural and inevitable probabilities (certainties more like). Free time will ebb and flow, like it does for all of us, and there will inevitably come a time when deadlines and real life will swallow those precious few quiet hours when I place my typing finger onto the keyboard and days, weeks, months and years will pass without a single word appearing.

There is currently a list of things I might like to explore, but distractions and other thoughts will probably mean that I won’t get around to any or all of them, and there’s a number of things already typed up which sit in the ‘not really sure about that’ pile. That is a pile that I’ve already mistakenly plundered a few times when I couldn’t come up with anything more enlightening to prattle on about, as you’ll already know from some of the more unfortunate stuff you might have already suffered and endured.

There is always the possibility as well that I could turn something that’s supposed to be just a little bit of fun into a colossal waste of time, but for now that little bit of empty time after I’ve done the morning run to the railway station and before I start my work, those weekend early mornings, the occasional evening and those long dark insomniac hours are proving to be quite productive for once, and it’s nice to give them something to do however disappointing the results might sometimes be.

So, I know I’m kind of enjoying the journey, and sometimes I don’t really know what you select few are getting out of exploring the strange and pointless corners of what I like to call my mind, but sitting around as we are here, on the High Street of Lesser Blogfordshire, drinking this cheap cider of the mind on this day full of possibilities and hope, I’m rather glad you’re here to share it with me.

That is assuming you’ve not found something better to do.