PERVIN' OVER PERI (A SONG)

PERVIN' OVER PERI (A SONG)

Rescued from the waves by an overgrown schoolboy

Wearing little more than his underwear

Pneumatic Peri gets to board a time ship

All her problems really start right there

Plainly potty people pervin' over Peri
Monsters manifestly messin' with Miss Brown
A whole universe of lusting lotharios
No wonder Peri always needs to frown

Her stepdad's been taken over by the Master

Although he's really a disguised robot

Meanwhile young Peri's wearing a bikini

Rescued by a bloke showing all he's got

Plenty of people are pervin' over Peri
Monsters manifestly messin' with Miss Brown
A whole universe of lusting lotharios
No wonder Peri always needs to frown

A sprightly young American missy
With a tendency to whinge and whine
Wearing short shorts and low-cut blouses
Why do people keep staring all the time

Power-crazed people are pervin' over Peri
Monsters manifestly messin' with Miss Brown
A whole universe of lusting lotharios
No wonder Peri always needs to frown

She's smart though (everyone should know it)
Telling one and all she's a botanist
They sagely nod and keep on drooling
Wondering if they can get her pissed

Pathetic people are pervin' over Peri
Monsters manifestly messin' with Miss Brown
A whole universe of lusting lotharios
No wonder Peri always needs to frown

She goes for a flight with a youngish geezer

But gets lusted over by a psycho in a mask

Who builds robots of her in a spare moment

What he does with 'em we don't like to ask

Plainly potty people pervin' over Peri
Monsters manifestly messin' with Miss Brown
A whole universe of lusting lotharios
No wonder Peri always needs to frown

Despite all this she's feeling very poorly

She's been poisoned by a monster's nest

And whilst Peri's clearly nearly dying

Too many folk are looking at her chest

Plenty of people are pervin' over Peri
Monsters manifestly messin' with Miss Brown
A whole universe of lusting lotharios
No wonder Peri always needs to frown

The Doctor came over all peculiar
All noble of brow and clear of gaze
He tried to throttle the life from her
Which made a nice change (in many ways)

Power-crazed people are pervin' over Peri
Monsters manifestly messin' with Miss Brown
A whole universe of lusting lotharios
No wonder Peri always needs to frown

Quillam was another masked man
Made bitter by his deformity
He spots her in his Punishment Dome
Thinks "Peri - now that's the girl for me!"

Pathetic people are pervin' over Peri
Monsters manifestly messin' with Miss Brown
A whole universe of lusting lotharios
No wonder Peri always needs to frown

Now when Shockeye spots a tasty morsel
He wants to tenderise her thighs
Although Jamie is more of a breast man
Sees her outfit and can't believe his eyes

Plainly potty people pervin' over Peri
Monsters manifestly messin' with Miss Brown
A whole universe of lusting lotharios
No wonder Peri always needs to frown

The Karfel Borad's only half a human
Got himself mixed up with a dinosaur
Decides he'd like to breed with Peri
Does she have to lay an egg (we're not sure)

Plenty of people are pervin' over Peri
Monsters manifestly messin' with Miss Brown
A whole universe of lusting lotharios
No wonder Peri always needs to frown

When Jobel started perving over Peri
Despite his wig he got all in a twist
Her rival spiked him with a syringeful
But it's not Viagra that makes him a stiff

Power-crazed people are pervin' over Peri
Monsters manifestly messin' with Miss Brown
A whole universe of lusting lotharios
No wonder Peri always needs to frown

You start to think Eric has got some issues

Maybe doing a bit of pervin' on his own
Thrashing out ideas on his typewriter
Wondering how he might get her alone

Pathetic people are pervin' over Peri
Monsters manifestly messin' with Miss Brown
A whole universe of lusting lotharios
No wonder Peri always needs to frown

Some not inconsiderable time later
She formed an alliance with Yrcanos
When young shavers took her brains out
This made that Warlord really cross

Platoons of potty people pervin' over Peri

Monsters manifestly messin' with Miss Brown
A whole universe of lusting lotharios
No wonder Peri always needs to frown

A sorry ending to her universal travels

Then again (if you think the Matrix lied)
Maybe she hitched her wagon to a Warlord
Somehow it seems she never really died

Plainly potty people pervin' over Peri
Monsters manifestly messin' with Miss Brown
A whole universe of lusting lotharios
No wonder Peri always needs to frown


Martin A W Holmes, July 2018