ON CRACKLES, TELEPHONE ENGINEERS AND PHARMACIES

In much the same way I find myself wondering why do people driving those huge 4x4 vehicles just seem to assume that you will get out of their way, without seeming to take into account whether you can get out of their way, yesterday I tried to get to the pharmacy just as it opened to get my monthly supply of pills, only to be barged (or nowadays should that be powerboated?) out of the way by an iPod wearing girl who seemed oblivious to the world surrounding her.

As the door was unlocked after a brief but necessary wait, she blatantly ignored the rest of us, most of whom had been patiently waiting long before she sauntered up, opened the door as it was being unlocked, entered ahead of everybody else, and stood expectantly in front of the counter, earpods still in place with that flint-like look in her eye as if she was daring the world to ignore her.

It was as if none of the rest of us queuing up there even existed.

This, I suppose, is how people are taught that the way to get on in the world is nowadays. Take what you want and ignore everyone else and you’ll be successful. I blame reality TV shows myself, but then, don’t I always?

Thankfully, the assistant whom I had previously spoken to through the glass of the door when she apologised for not opening up on time because there wasn’t yet a pharmacist present was savvy enough not to fall for that old trick and served me first anyway, despite the elderly lady behind me who had had tried the old “I need to get through for a pen” ruse which nobody else held any truck with either, leaving her to slink back towards the back of the queue in shame and disgrace, or whatever else it was she was feeling. I suspect she really just went back with her pen and filled in her prescription, but sometimes I do like to over dramatise things.

For similar reasons, I like to think that the young girl was so desperate to get her “morning after” pill that she was completely focused upon her own plight, but I suspect that, in reality,  we just live in a country that is getting ruder. Strangely enough, I like to imagine that I would have had the good grace to be polite enough to let her go in front of me anyway as she was first into the shop had it not been done so blatantly and brazenly. As it was, my irritation mode was engaged (isn’t it always…?) and heels were dug in and I left feeling vindicated if just a little bit cautious that the fates were going to take their revenge and pounce on me and make me wish that I’d stayed put for the extra five minutes and avoided the inevitable consequences of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Anyway, for whatever reasons, I got home safely, despite the huge 4x4 that just about gave me time to pull into my parking space before barging its way along the road as if nothing could possibly provide any obstacle. You may have already noted that this incident also vexed me a tad.

I got into the house to find that, in-between intermittent bursts of line death, an email had made it through the connectivity minefield to inform me that I needed to call the phone company again because, despite all the evidence to the contrary, they were still insisting that my telephone line was working perfectly.

I called the customer service number again and once more spoke to a pleasant gentleman in Bangalore, India who managed to retain his easy-going manner despite any resentment he might have held because of recent unbearable results on the cricket field that one of our countries might have committed upon the other. He accepted that the line was indeed almost unbearably crackly and finally agreed that an appointment should be made for an engineer to call. Of course, this was with the proviso that should any of the problems by the fault of my equipment, hefty penalties would have to be paid. Sadly, my insistence that emailing me might just be a little bit pointless at the moment didn’t seem to get through the many crackles, and so he persisted with taking an email address to confirm the appointment, even though there was a less than 50/50 chance that I’d be able to read it. Mind you, that’s been a bit of an issue lately in many areas of my life; I’m ringing to report a fault on my broadband line and the pre-recorded voice keeps insisting that I should visit the website to deal with it.

Hmmm…

See my recent posting on why I really need to get a smartphone…

Still, the efficiency of the mighty telephone company swung into action, and a prerecorded message duly appeared on my message service, which, I was able to decipher between crackles confirmed that the engineer would be with me that very afternoon, and, at ten minutes before the appointed five hour window of opportunity, and against all my expectations (which, as you’ll know, are seldom high), the engineer rang and told me he would be with me soon.

Again, I think that’s what he said, but with all the crackling, it was hard to be sure.

“Soon” in a “waiting in for service personnel to call” sense can usually mean anything, I’ve found over the years, but, ten minutes later, the engineer was upon my very doorstep and, happily for me, was already telling me that the cabling he could see outside had perished and that this was therefore their problem and there would consequently be no charge.

Joy and indeed rapture!

An hour and a half later, both the engineer and the crackles had gone and I was left to reboot all my systems with the renewed hope that all would now be well, and indeed all my telephone calls were suddenly crystal clear and crackle-free. Well I say “all” but there weren’t all that many, to be honest. There rarely are.

Meanwhile, the broadband was kicked up and… remained unbelievably slow. Consistently connected, at least, but painfully chuggy. I find myself looking fondly back with rosily-tinted lenses upon the days of dial-up, when I did, at least, expect things to be this slow, but I suspect that I’m just going to have to accept that, despite all your best efforts, you can’t have everything, I suppose, no matter how hard you try (This explains, by the way, why these ramblings are currently coming to you unillustrated with anything to break up the monotony of the dull dry text, but, sadly fails to explain why the text is currently and consistently remaining so dull and dry). Greater problems, it would seem, are being dealt with in unknown rooms somewhere. Maybe the copper cables have been stolen by opportunist metal thieves, or perhaps someone else more appealing and forceful of character and will has jumped the queue, or, quite possibly, the driver of a bloody great big 4x4 has finally realised that the roads aren’t actually quite big enough for them to be able to avoid using their brakes all the time and they’ve careered off into a telephone cabling substation causing untold havoc hereabouts.

I suspect none of these three possibilities is true, but then I did admit earlier to a tendency to over dramatise, but hopefully normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.

If the all the idiots in the world will let it, that is.