Saturday, 30 December 2017

ELEMENTARY SHERLOCK

‪ELEMENTARY SHERLOCK

Now that the godawful British TV‬
‪Has nothing at all to offer to me‬
‪My telly viewing's been on DVD‬
‪Binge-watching the show‬ Elementary‬

‪Preconceptions get a bit of a knock‬
‪My opinion might very well shock‬
‪Yet risking becoming a laughing stock‬
‪It's far more rewatchable than Sherlock‬

MAWH, Dec 2017


Monday, 25 December 2017

AN ENTIRE DOCTOR WHO

AN ENTIRE DOCTOR WHO

How can we have had
An entire Doctor Who
In the space and time
Since my mother died

How can there have been
An entire televisual
Span of a Time Lord
That she never saw

How could this happen
Even just those eyebrows
Were a month after
She would breathe no more

MAWH, Dec 2017

Thursday, 21 December 2017

BBC PLEA

BBC PLEA

I always used to love
The dear old BBC
Once upon a time
They made such great TV

Instead of ghastly nonsense
For all the family
Or soapy so-called dramas
That are far too shouty

Could you just once
Respond to my heartfelt plea
And actually make some programmes
That I'd like to see

MAWH, Dec 2017

Another year passes with not one new drama I've bothered looking at and not one "entertainment" show I'd bother crossing the room to hit the on switch for... Two or three old favourites still get recorded out of habit, but even they often get deleted without a viewing. If it wasn't for the Radios 3 & 4, the entire lot would simply pass me by...



Thursday, 14 December 2017

IT IS FORBIDDEN (PART ONE) LYRICS

If anybody wants to work up the music for this (I’m thinking a Leonard Cohen/Tom Waits vibe) we might decide to enter it for Eurovision ;-)

(This, by the way, is how you end up with “Dalek Invasion of Earth, the Musical” or a full concept album)


IT IS FORBIDDEN (Part One)

It is forbidden (forbidden)
To dump bodies
Into the river (the river)

It might be a river (the river)
It looks like
Moving water to me
Radiation nil (Oxygen normal)

Pressure normal
It’s an Earth reading
We might be
Somewhere in London (the river)

It is forbidden (forbidden)
To dump bodies
Into the river (the river)

It's uncanny
The word I was looking for
Was decay
It's most odd (Most odd)

I wouldn't spoil your
Homecoming for all the world
Pretty deserted
Probably Sunday

It is forbidden (forbidden)
To dump bodies
Into the river (the river)

Look at all this neglect
All over the place
It's been abandoned
(All of it)

There's always a mess
With construction (construction)
There's not a sign of any
People anywhere

It is forbidden (forbidden)
To dump bodies
Into the river (the river)

Be careful, my child
The ship!
Don't go too near, my boy
(It’s not safe)

The whole bridge has collapsed
It's all crumbling
We're going to need help
To shift this

It is forbidden (forbidden)
To dump bodies
Into the river (the river)

Here we are
Standing by the Thames
We've been here quite a while
(How long?)

Quarter of an hour
Twenty minutes?
What have we heard?
Nothing (Precisely nothing)

It is forbidden (forbidden)
To dump bodies
Into the river (the river)

No sound of birdsong
No voices - No sound of shipping
Not even the chimes
Of old Big Ben (Uncanny)

What you need is
A jolly good smacked bottom
I'll go and wet my handkerchief
In the river (the river)

It is forbidden (forbidden)
To dump bodies
Into the river (the river)

It is forbidden (forbidden)
To dump bodies
Into the river (the river)

MAWH, December 2017

(Adapted from an original script by Terry Nation)



Wednesday, 13 December 2017

UNSEEN TOWBAR

UNSEEN TOWBAR

There's an awful pain
Such a pain the like of which
We will never talk

The pain of a shin
Hitting an unseen towbar
In the morning dark

MAWH, 131217

Sunday, 10 December 2017

SUNDAY AFTERNOON POEMETTE

SUNDAY AFTERNOON POEMETTE

‪Full of a cold‬
‪I haven't ventured‬
‪More than a few feet‬
‪Outdoors into the snow‬
‪My head hurts‬

‪I cracked open‬
‪The box set I bought‬
‪Of brand new Twin Peaks‬
‪Two episodes in‬
‪My head hurts‬

‪If I'd gone to‬
‪A modern art show‬
‪Arm brain in a tree‬
‪Would make me say "Toss Wank"‬
‪My brain hurts‬

MAWH,101217

Thursday, 30 November 2017

OUR REVELS ARE OVER

OUR REVELS ARE OVER

The very essence of
Nostalgic disappointment
Is wishing that

A "big" bag of Revels
Lasted for longer than
A minute and a half

And still contained
The coconut ones as well as
The peanut ones

MAWH, Nov 2017

Tuesday, 28 November 2017

CAKE LIMERICKS

There was a young lad name of Henry
On his birthday fell out of a tree
They cancelled his bash
The cake's in the trash
Life's full of such sad tragedy

‪There once was a young lad called Jake‬
Whose grandma baked his birthday cake
On the theme of football
Which he didn't like at all
So that cake felt like such a mistake

‪Proud grandma baked her Henry a treat‬
Making it right knocked her off her feet
When she took it around
Can you guess what she found
They'd just had one from Asda to eat

‪There once was a young lad called Jake‬
‪Whose grandma baked his birthday cake‬
‪On the theme of football‬
‪Which he didn't like at all‬
‪And icing the wrong name was a mistake ‬

Monday, 27 November 2017

PERSONAL DIAMOND COLLECTION

PERSONAL DIAMOND COLLECTION
Harry and Meghan
Meghan and Harry
Announced to the world
Their decision to marry

Markle and Windsor
Windsor and Markle
Show off a bloody big ring
With a ruddy great sparkle

The Prince and the Actress
The Actress and the Prince
Two diamonds from his mother’s
Personal collection of precious things

The plebs and the oiks
The oiks and the plebs
Will forget all of their problems
Where there's a marriage with celebs

The cynics and the grumblers
The grumblers and the cynics
Wonder what the fuss is for
When there's a country to be fixed

The nobodies and non-stars
The non-stars and nobodies
Keep on lapping up this most
Tiresome of human follies

Meghan and Harry
Harry and Meghan
Seems the most important thing
Since the universe began

Windsor and Markle
Markle and Windsor
The most eligible bloke
Is the one who wins her

The actress and the prince
The prince and the actress
Hiding other great big stories
Of a government in distress

The oiks and the plebs
The plebs and the oiks
Waving flags at the gates
Of the big house with the spikes

The grumblers and the cynics
The cynics and the grumblers
Wonder if we've a personal
Diamond collection among us

The non-stars and nobodies
The nobodies and non-stars
Wonder if they might suggest
Their diamonds are really ours

MAWH, November 27th 2017


(That reminds me, I must see how my own personal diamond collection is getting on... Oh...)

Monday, 20 November 2017

LEAVING WITH CAPALDI (ARTWORK)


BOREDCHURCH

BOREDCHURCH

I noticed on the cover
of the
Broadchurch
DVD set it says:

"This is about as good
As TV drama gets"

and I thought

"That's a shame..."

MAWH, Nov 2017

Friday, 10 November 2017

WHEN I WAS EIGHT

WHEN I WAS EIGHT

When I was eight
The back door of the house
We lived in back then
Was at the side of the house
So I could look straight inside
The back door of the next house
If the door was open
When I was eight

When I was eight
In between our two houses
There was a driveway running
Through the semi-detached gap
And a pair of tall wooden gates
With lattices that made
The sunlight square
When I was eight

When I was eight
Uncle Clifford’s half had flagstones
Ours had crazy paving
My Dad would lie down
On warm summer evenings
Cleaning out moss
With his penknife
When I was eight

When I was eight
I sat on the doorstep
One warm square-lit evening
Deciding my lucky number
Would always be eight
And my unlucky one
Was going to be nine
When I was eight


Martin A W Holmes, November 2017

Wednesday, 8 November 2017

ONE STREET OVER

ONE STREET OVER

Those not-so-mean streets one street over
Once I loitered rejected around the corner
As they all party played on without me
Russell and Simon and Michael
And Paddy and Tracy and Gill
Names from the past I never saw again
Once we uniformed up to big school
Childhood and friendships flickered out
One by one as we grew up and moved away
Not so much a lost childhood as one mislaid

The smell of Michael’s back garden tent
Deep blue on a hot summer’s afternoon
Corgi cars crashed in vices and collisions
Toys in flames as bonfires smouldered
The leather seats of an old Morris Minor
That suddenly leapt into life one afternoon
Above a precarious garden plummet
Next to Russell’s soon-to-be lost dad’s
Green Bedford van with the sliding doors
All those other dads that died or went away

I don’t remember childhood much
Time’s blind has it blinkered and buried
Some memories improve forgotten
Apart from on those sleepless nights
When the midnight ghouls want to bite
Fragments prod me awake to recall
The writing on the bed head
Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea in biro
Bath time games and other funless fun
Keys on chains growing up too young

Swinging golf clubs catching bloody noses
Endlessly bicycled dark nights and summer days
Secret Patrol clubs; lost darts in the long grass
Endless hours on the Bonks building dens
Muddy streams oranged by scrapyard rust
The telling off after the games in the cellar
A dark incident that got out of hand
I never see them now except in dreams
Those sometimes mean streets one street over
Maybe other children play there now


Martin A W Holmes, November 2017

THE OWL BOTHERER (ARTWORK)

I thought it might be a good idea to try combining one of my poems with one of my paintings... So I did :-)

Tuesday, 10 October 2017

ROBOTS IN THE UKRAINE

ROBOTS IN THE UKRAINE

One hundred and ninety-seven
People viewed my blog yesterday
Although one hundred and eighty-four
Of those were not people at all
But robots in the Ukraine

Leaving thirteen real people -
Probably - reading my deathless
Prose and poetry much neglected
In recent times by myself but
Not robots in the Ukraine

But – you ask – how can I be sure
That it’s not people dropping in
To lick at the produce of my mind
Alas such numbers tell their tale
It’s robots in the Ukraine

On normal days – so many now –
My blog it lies inert unloved
Those zero days can only confirm
When numbers number in hundreds
They’re robots in the Ukraine

Statistics they can tell no lies
Graphs and maps show eastern promise
Probing cybernetic claws reach out
Touching displays of interest
From robots in the Ukraine


MAWH, October 2017

Tuesday, 3 October 2017

SEASON'S END

SEASON’S END

As Soul Limbo fades away
To nothing for the last time
Another summer is gone
Bat and ball all packed away
The bails lifted

The damp drizzle and dark nights
Winter’s cold begins to creep
Forlornly we look forward
To hollow empty weekends
Now wireless-free

Aggers, Geoffrey and the team
Still silenced for the season
Andrew’s pens all packed away
Along with Tuffer’s muffers
Five no longer live

Their easy banter tuned out
Shorter days now chatter-free
Such days seem long and empty
At least until next month when
The Ashes begin

MAWH, Oct 2017

DROPPING THE ASHES

DROPPING THE ASHES

The bottle waves in his face
Stokes punches him for four
And England drop the Ashes
Shooting themselves
In the foot again
Before anyone’s even
Got on the plane


MAWH, Oct 2017

MUZZLE FLASH

MUZZLE FLASH

The muzzle flashes
Over and over and over
From the thirty-second floor
Down towards the bloody ground
Through yet another senseless act
A madman carves his place
In historical notoriety
Because he can because
No one dare call him wrong
In that land so free
So fifty-nine lives must end

Their lives flash by
So many over and over
Running for cover
As the hot lead rains down
The world becoming nonsense
The human right to life lost
By that ancient rite
Citing unquestioned rights
All notions of the wide
Empty prairie forgotten
Five hundred lives forever torn

Those muzzled flashes
Too many lives now over
In a violent world free
From policing and civilisation
It may have made sense once
With help and neighbours
Sometimes days away
But here today on the
Blood-stained streets
Of Fabulous Las Vegas
Millions of lives must change


MAWH, 031017

Tuesday, 12 September 2017

A BOY NAMED MICHAEL

A BOY NAMED MICHAEL

He grew up on my street
The same age as me
A boy named Michael

On a street in Heaton Moor
Random pins on life's map
Kids separated by a few doors

We weren't really friends
And went to different schools
Moving in other circles

But we used to play together
From time-to-time as kids
At our mothers' bidding

Years divide you from youth
Lives divide and grow apart
I would never have kept in touch

How randomly it seems
The world stretches out
And touches so many lives

Silver fingers pierce a morning
Deadly fire flowers bloom
To touch a Stockport street

He moved to America
Lived a short life in New York
Worked in the WTC

Years later I found out
He died on floor ninety-three
That boy named Michael

MAWH, September 2017

For Michael Lomax
A childhood playmate
I barely remembered
Died aged 37, September 11th 2001

Friday, 11 August 2017

ON THE BRINK

I think he thinks this is his history-making "Kennedy Cuba" moment but doesn't realise that when the other guy is also as mad as a box of snakes, it's not likely to end well...

ON THE BRINK

You do find yourself constantly wondering
As you head off to your bed as night falls
Whether one of those two numpties
Playing their brinksmanship games

With the whole of the rest of humanity
Might have actually gone and done
Something unutterably irreversibly stupid
Before you wake up the next morning

MAWH, Aug 2017





THOUSAND

THOUSAND

‪I love a word like "Thousand"‬
‪It has weight, and bearing too‬
‪It feels strong, dependable, solid -‬
‪Sometimes a "k" just will not do‬

MAWH, 110817

NOUGHTS AND CROSSES



NOUGHTS AND CROSSES

There's a crisp coldness
To the early morning air
Perfect for playing
Noughts and crosses
With the universe

MAWH, 110817

Wednesday, 9 August 2017

THE GREY SKIES OF DERBYSHIRE

THE GREY SKIES OF DERBYSHIRE

The grey skies of Derbyshire
Close in hiding the full moon again
Causing the white flashing Barn Owl
To stay home sulking starving
As endless rain smears down
Beneath the undulating moon dust

And I dreamed that I was
Working as a lifeboat volunteer
It would seem not a very good one
Struggling with my equipment
Having to be shown again how
To get my oxygen to work

And still the rain pummels
Beating the overnight drums
Under the dark black starless skies
As I fitfully dream of becoming
A lifeboating lifesaver
In land-locked Derbyshire

Martin A W Holmes, August 2017


ON THE DAY THE WORLD ENDED

ON THE DAY THE WORLD ENDED

On the day the world ended
President Trump promised
To bring fire and fury
Down upon North Korea
Whilst North Korea
Considered a strike on Guam
On the day the world ended
On the day the world ended

On the day the world ended
Kenyatta takes the lead
In the Kenya election
Whilst at a London stadium
Isaac Makwala was turned away
To control a Novovirus outbreak
On the day the world ended
On the day the world ended

On the day the world ended
The NHS is to fund a baby’s
US heart operation
More medical school places next year
But drivers avoid “Pay-by-Phone”
Parking bays when parking cars
On the day the world ended
On the day the world ended

On the day the world ended
Glen Campbell died at eighty-one
Darling wants us to stay vigilant
After the crash ten years on
Rihanna’s carnival costume goes viral
Taylor Swift was “certain” she was groped
On the day the world ended
On the day the world ended


MAWH, 090817