ELEMENTARY SHERLOCK
Now that the godawful British TV
Has nothing at all to offer to me
My telly viewing's been on DVD
Binge-watching the show Elementary
Preconceptions get a bit of a knock
My opinion might very well shock
Yet risking becoming a laughing stock
It's far more rewatchable than Sherlock
MAWH, Dec 2017
Saturday, 30 December 2017
Monday, 25 December 2017
AN ENTIRE DOCTOR WHO
AN ENTIRE DOCTOR WHO
How can we have had
An entire Doctor Who
In the space and time
Since my mother died
How can there have been
An entire televisual
Span of a Time Lord
That she never saw
How could this happen
Even just those eyebrows
Were a month after
She would breathe no more
MAWH, Dec 2017
How can we have had
An entire Doctor Who
In the space and time
Since my mother died
How can there have been
An entire televisual
Span of a Time Lord
That she never saw
How could this happen
Even just those eyebrows
Were a month after
She would breathe no more
MAWH, Dec 2017
Thursday, 21 December 2017
BBC PLEA
BBC PLEA
I always used to love
The dear old BBC
Once upon a time
They made such great TV
Instead of ghastly nonsense
For all the family
Or soapy so-called dramas
That are far too shouty
Could you just once
Respond to my heartfelt plea
And actually make some programmes
That I'd like to see
MAWH, Dec 2017
I always used to love
The dear old BBC
Once upon a time
They made such great TV
Instead of ghastly nonsense
For all the family
Or soapy so-called dramas
That are far too shouty
Could you just once
Respond to my heartfelt plea
And actually make some programmes
That I'd like to see
MAWH, Dec 2017
Another year passes with not one new drama I've bothered looking at and not one "entertainment" show I'd bother crossing the room to hit the on switch for... Two or three old favourites still get recorded out of habit, but even they often get deleted without a viewing. If it wasn't for the Radios 3 & 4, the entire lot would simply pass me by...
Thursday, 14 December 2017
IT IS FORBIDDEN (PART ONE) LYRICS
If anybody wants to work up the music for this (I’m
thinking a Leonard Cohen/Tom Waits vibe) we might decide to enter it for
Eurovision ;-)
(This, by the way, is how you end up with “Dalek
Invasion of Earth, the Musical” or a full concept album)
IT IS FORBIDDEN (Part One)
It is forbidden (forbidden)
To dump bodies
Into the river (the river)
It might be a river (the river)
It looks like
Moving water to me
Radiation nil (Oxygen normal)
Pressure normal
It’s an Earth reading
We might be
We might be
Somewhere in London (the river)
It is forbidden (forbidden)
To dump bodies
Into the river (the river)
It's uncanny
The word I was looking for
Was decay
It's most odd (Most odd)
I wouldn't spoil your
Homecoming for all the world
Pretty deserted
Probably Sunday
It is forbidden (forbidden)
To dump bodies
Into the river (the river)
Look at all this neglect
All over the place
It's been abandoned
(All of it)
There's always a mess
With construction (construction)
There's not a sign of any
People anywhere
It is forbidden (forbidden)
To dump bodies
Into the river (the river)
Be careful, my child
The ship!
Don't go too near, my boy
Don't go too near, my boy
(It’s not safe)
The whole bridge has collapsed
It's all crumbling
We're going to need help
It's all crumbling
We're going to need help
To shift this
It is forbidden (forbidden)
To dump bodies
Into the river (the river)
Here we are
Standing by the Thames
We've been here quite a while
(How long?)
Quarter of an hour
Twenty minutes?
What have we heard?
What have we heard?
Nothing (Precisely nothing)
It is forbidden (forbidden)
To dump bodies
Into the river (the river)
No sound of birdsong
No voices - No sound of shipping
Not even the chimes
Of old Big Ben (Uncanny)
What you need is
A jolly good smacked bottom
I'll go and wet my handkerchief
In the river (the river)
It is forbidden (forbidden)
To dump bodies
Into the river (the river)
It is forbidden (forbidden)
To dump bodies
Into the river (the river)
MAWH, December 2017
Wednesday, 13 December 2017
UNSEEN TOWBAR
UNSEEN TOWBAR
There's an awful pain
Such a pain the like of which
We will never talk
The pain of a shin
Hitting an unseen towbar
In the morning dark
MAWH, 131217
There's an awful pain
Such a pain the like of which
We will never talk
The pain of a shin
Hitting an unseen towbar
In the morning dark
MAWH, 131217
Sunday, 10 December 2017
SUNDAY AFTERNOON POEMETTE
SUNDAY AFTERNOON POEMETTE
Full of a cold
I haven't ventured
More than a few feet
Outdoors into the snow
My head hurts
I cracked open
The box set I bought
Of brand new Twin Peaks
Two episodes in
My head hurts
If I'd gone to
A modern art show
Arm brain in a tree
Would make me say "Toss Wank"
My brain hurts
MAWH,101217
Full of a cold
I haven't ventured
More than a few feet
Outdoors into the snow
My head hurts
I cracked open
The box set I bought
Of brand new Twin Peaks
Two episodes in
My head hurts
If I'd gone to
A modern art show
Arm brain in a tree
Would make me say "Toss Wank"
My brain hurts
MAWH,101217
Thursday, 30 November 2017
OUR REVELS ARE OVER
OUR REVELS ARE OVER
The very essence of
Nostalgic disappointment
Is wishing that
A "big" bag of Revels
Lasted for longer than
A minute and a half
And still contained
The coconut ones as well as
The peanut ones
MAWH, Nov 2017
The very essence of
Nostalgic disappointment
Is wishing that
A "big" bag of Revels
Lasted for longer than
A minute and a half
And still contained
The coconut ones as well as
The peanut ones
MAWH, Nov 2017
Tuesday, 28 November 2017
CAKE LIMERICKS
There was a young lad name of Henry
On his birthday fell out of a tree
They cancelled his bash
The cake's in the trash
Life's full of such sad tragedy
There once was a young lad called Jake
Whose grandma baked his birthday cake
On the theme of football
Which he didn't like at all
So that cake felt like such a mistake
Proud grandma baked her Henry a treat
Making it right knocked her off her feet
When she took it around
Can you guess what she found
They'd just had one from Asda to eat
There once was a young lad called Jake
Whose grandma baked his birthday cake
On the theme of football
Which he didn't like at all
And icing the wrong name was a mistake
On his birthday fell out of a tree
They cancelled his bash
The cake's in the trash
Life's full of such sad tragedy
There once was a young lad called Jake
Whose grandma baked his birthday cake
On the theme of football
Which he didn't like at all
So that cake felt like such a mistake
Proud grandma baked her Henry a treat
Making it right knocked her off her feet
When she took it around
Can you guess what she found
They'd just had one from Asda to eat
There once was a young lad called Jake
Whose grandma baked his birthday cake
On the theme of football
Which he didn't like at all
And icing the wrong name was a mistake
Monday, 27 November 2017
PERSONAL DIAMOND COLLECTION
PERSONAL DIAMOND COLLECTION
Harry and Meghan
The Prince and the Actress
The Actress and the Prince
Two diamonds from his mother’s
Personal collection of precious things
The plebs and the oiks
The oiks and the plebs
Will forget all of their problems
Where there's a marriage with celebs
The cynics and the grumblers
The grumblers and the cynics
Wonder what the fuss is for
When there's a country to be fixed
Meghan and Harry
Harry and Meghan
Seems the most important thing
Since the universe began
Windsor and Markle
Markle and Windsor
The most eligible bloke
Is the one who wins her
The actress and the prince
The prince and the actress
Hiding other great big stories
Of a government in distress
The oiks and the plebs
The plebs and the oiks
The non-stars and nobodies
(That reminds me, I must see how my own personal diamond collection is getting on... Oh...)
Harry and Meghan
Meghan and Harry
Announced to the world
Their decision to marry
Markle and Windsor
Windsor and Markle
Show off a bloody big ring
With a ruddy great sparkle
Markle and Windsor
Windsor and Markle
Show off a bloody big ring
With a ruddy great sparkle
The Prince and the Actress
The Actress and the Prince
Two diamonds from his mother’s
Personal collection of precious things
The plebs and the oiks
The oiks and the plebs
Will forget all of their problems
Where there's a marriage with celebs
The cynics and the grumblers
The grumblers and the cynics
Wonder what the fuss is for
When there's a country to be fixed
The nobodies and non-stars
The non-stars and nobodies
Keep on lapping up this most
Tiresome of human follies
Meghan and Harry
Harry and Meghan
Seems the most important thing
Since the universe began
Windsor and Markle
Markle and Windsor
The most eligible bloke
Is the one who wins her
The actress and the prince
The prince and the actress
Hiding other great big stories
Of a government in distress
The oiks and the plebs
The plebs and the oiks
Waving flags at the gates
Of the big house with the spikes
The grumblers and the cynics
The cynics and the grumblers
Wonder if we've a personal
Wonder if we've a personal
Diamond collection among us
The non-stars and nobodies
The nobodies and non-stars
Wonder if they might suggest
Their diamonds are really ours
MAWH, November 27th 2017
(That reminds me, I must see how my own personal diamond collection is getting on... Oh...)
Monday, 20 November 2017
BOREDCHURCH
BOREDCHURCH
I noticed on the cover
of the
Broadchurch
DVD set it says:
"This is about as good
As TV drama gets"
and I thought
"That's a shame..."
MAWH, Nov 2017
I noticed on the cover
of the
Broadchurch
DVD set it says:
"This is about as good
As TV drama gets"
and I thought
"That's a shame..."
MAWH, Nov 2017
Friday, 10 November 2017
WHEN I WAS EIGHT
When I was eight
The back door of the house
We lived in back then
Was at the side of the house
So I could look straight inside
The back door of the next house
If the door was open
When I was eight
When I was eight
In between our two houses
There was a driveway running
Through the semi-detached gap
And a pair of tall wooden gates
With lattices that made
The sunlight square
When I was eight
When I was eight
Uncle Clifford’s half had flagstones
Ours had crazy paving
My Dad would lie down
On warm summer evenings
Cleaning out moss
With his penknife
When I was eight
When I was eight
I sat on the doorstep
One warm square-lit evening
Deciding my lucky number
Would always be eight
And my unlucky one
Was going to be nine
When I was eight
Martin
A W Holmes, November 2017
Wednesday, 8 November 2017
ONE STREET OVER
ONE STREET OVER
Those not-so-mean streets one street over
Once I loitered rejected around the corner
As they all party played on without me
Russell and Simon and Michael
And Paddy and Tracy and Gill
Names from the past I never saw again
Once we uniformed up to big school
Childhood and friendships flickered out
One by one as we grew up and moved away
Not so much a lost childhood as one mislaid
The smell of Michael’s back garden tent
Deep blue on a hot summer’s afternoon
Corgi cars crashed in vices and collisions
Toys in flames as bonfires smouldered
The leather seats of an old Morris Minor
That suddenly leapt into life one afternoon
Above a precarious garden plummet
Next to Russell’s soon-to-be lost dad’s
Green Bedford van with the sliding doors
All those other dads that died or went away
I don’t remember childhood much
Time’s blind has it blinkered and buried
Some memories improve forgotten
Apart from on those sleepless nights
When the midnight ghouls want to bite
Fragments prod me awake to recall
The writing on the bed head
Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea in biro
Bath time games and other funless fun
Keys on chains growing up too young
Swinging golf clubs catching bloody noses
Endlessly bicycled dark nights and summer days
Secret Patrol clubs; lost darts in the long grass
Endless hours on the Bonks building dens
Muddy streams oranged by scrapyard rust
The telling off after the games in the cellar
A dark incident that got out of hand
I never see them now except in dreams
Those sometimes mean streets one street over
Maybe other children play there now
Martin A W Holmes, November 2017
THE OWL BOTHERER (ARTWORK)
I thought it might be a good idea to try combining one of my poems with one of my paintings... So I did :-)
Tuesday, 10 October 2017
ROBOTS IN THE UKRAINE
ROBOTS IN THE UKRAINE
One hundred and ninety-seven
People viewed my blog yesterday
Although one hundred and eighty-four
Of those were not people at all
But robots in the Ukraine
Leaving thirteen real people -
Probably - reading my deathless
Prose and poetry much neglected
In recent times by myself but
Not robots in the Ukraine
But – you ask – how can I be sure
That it’s not people dropping in
To lick at the produce of my mind
Alas such numbers tell their tale
It’s robots in the Ukraine
On normal days – so many now –
My blog it lies inert unloved
Those zero days can only confirm
When numbers number in hundreds
They’re robots in the Ukraine
Statistics they can tell no lies
Graphs and maps show eastern promise
Probing cybernetic claws reach out
Touching displays of interest
From robots in the Ukraine
MAWH, October 2017
Tuesday, 3 October 2017
SEASON'S END
As Soul Limbo fades away
To nothing for the last time
Another summer is gone
Bat and ball all packed away
The bails lifted
The damp drizzle and dark nights
Winter’s cold begins to creep
Forlornly we look forward
To hollow empty weekends
Now wireless-free
Aggers, Geoffrey and the team
Still silenced for the season
Andrew’s pens all packed away
Along with Tuffer’s muffers
Five no longer live
Their easy banter tuned out
Shorter days now chatter-free
Such days seem long and empty
At least until next month when
The Ashes begin
MAWH, Oct 2017
DROPPING THE ASHES
DROPPING THE ASHES
The bottle waves in his face
Stokes punches him for four
And England drop the Ashes
Shooting themselves
In the foot again
Before anyone’s even
Got on the plane
MAWH, Oct 2017
Labels:
Cricket,
Current Affairs,
Doggerel,
Poetry
MUZZLE FLASH
MUZZLE FLASH
The muzzle flashes
Over and over and over
From the thirty-second floor
Down towards the bloody ground
Through yet another senseless act
A madman carves his place
In historical notoriety
Because he can because
No one dare call him wrong
In that land so free
So fifty-nine lives must end
Their lives flash by
So many over and over
Running for cover
As the hot lead rains down
The world becoming nonsense
The human right to life lost
By that ancient rite
Citing unquestioned rights
All notions of the wide
Empty prairie forgotten
Five hundred lives forever torn
Those muzzled flashes
Too many lives now over
In a violent world free
From policing and civilisation
It may have made sense once
With help and neighbours
Sometimes days away
But here today on the
Blood-stained streets
Of Fabulous Las Vegas
Millions of lives must change
MAWH, 031017
Tuesday, 12 September 2017
A BOY NAMED MICHAEL
A BOY NAMED MICHAEL
He grew up on my street
The same age as me
A boy named Michael
On a street in Heaton Moor
Random pins on life's map
Kids separated by a few doors
We weren't really friends
And went to different schools
Moving in other circles
But we used to play together
From time-to-time as kids
At our mothers' bidding
Years divide you from youth
Lives divide and grow apart
I would never have kept in touch
How randomly it seems
The world stretches out
And touches so many lives
Silver fingers pierce a morning
Deadly fire flowers bloom
To touch a Stockport street
He moved to America
Lived a short life in New York
Worked in the WTC
Years later I found out
He died on floor ninety-three
That boy named Michael
MAWH, September 2017
He grew up on my street
The same age as me
A boy named Michael
On a street in Heaton Moor
Random pins on life's map
Kids separated by a few doors
We weren't really friends
And went to different schools
Moving in other circles
But we used to play together
From time-to-time as kids
At our mothers' bidding
Years divide you from youth
Lives divide and grow apart
I would never have kept in touch
How randomly it seems
The world stretches out
And touches so many lives
Silver fingers pierce a morning
Deadly fire flowers bloom
To touch a Stockport street
He moved to America
Lived a short life in New York
Worked in the WTC
Years later I found out
He died on floor ninety-three
That boy named Michael
MAWH, September 2017
For Michael Lomax
A childhood playmate
I barely remembered
Died aged 37, September 11th 2001
Friday, 11 August 2017
ON THE BRINK
I think he thinks this is his history-making "Kennedy Cuba" moment but doesn't realise that when the other guy is also as mad as a box of snakes, it's not likely to end well...
ON THE BRINK
You do find yourself constantly wondering
As you head off to your bed as night falls
Whether one of those two numpties
Playing their brinksmanship games
With the whole of the rest of humanity
Might have actually gone and done
Something unutterably irreversibly stupid
Before you wake up the next morning
MAWH, Aug 2017
ON THE BRINK
You do find yourself constantly wondering
As you head off to your bed as night falls
Whether one of those two numpties
Playing their brinksmanship games
With the whole of the rest of humanity
Might have actually gone and done
Something unutterably irreversibly stupid
Before you wake up the next morning
MAWH, Aug 2017
THOUSAND
THOUSAND
I love a word like "Thousand"
It has weight, and bearing too
It feels strong, dependable, solid -
Sometimes a "k" just will not do
MAWH, 110817
I love a word like "Thousand"
It has weight, and bearing too
It feels strong, dependable, solid -
Sometimes a "k" just will not do
MAWH, 110817
NOUGHTS AND CROSSES
NOUGHTS AND CROSSES
There's a crisp coldness
To the early morning air
Perfect for playing
Noughts and crosses
With the universe
MAWH, 110817
Wednesday, 9 August 2017
THE GREY SKIES OF DERBYSHIRE
The grey skies of Derbyshire
Close in hiding the full moon again
Causing the white flashing Barn Owl
To stay home sulking starving
As endless rain smears down
Beneath the undulating moon dust
And I dreamed that I was
Working as a lifeboat volunteer
It would seem not a very good one
Struggling with my equipment
Having to be shown again how
To get my oxygen to work
And still the rain pummels
Beating the overnight drums
Under the dark black starless skies
As I fitfully dream of becoming
A lifeboating lifesaver
In land-locked Derbyshire
Martin
A W Holmes, August 2017
ON THE DAY THE WORLD ENDED
ON THE DAY THE WORLD ENDED
On the day the
world ended
President Trump
promised
To bring fire
and fury
Down upon North
Korea
Whilst North
Korea
Considered a
strike on Guam
On the day the
world ended
On the day the
world ended
On the day the
world ended
Kenyatta takes
the lead
In the Kenya
election
Whilst at a
London stadium
Isaac Makwala
was turned away
To control a
Novovirus outbreak
On the day the
world ended
On the day the
world ended
On the day the
world ended
The NHS is to
fund a baby’s
US heart
operation
More medical
school places next year
But drivers
avoid “Pay-by-Phone”
Parking bays
when parking cars
On the day the
world ended
On the day the
world ended
On the day the
world ended
Glen Campbell
died at eighty-one
Darling wants
us to stay vigilant
After the crash
ten years on
Rihanna’s
carnival costume goes viral
Taylor Swift
was “certain” she was groped
On the day the
world ended
On the day the
world ended
MAWH, 090817
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)