An article written for an ultimately abandoned "Fanzine" project that was going to focus upon, re-evaluate, and re-examine some of the stories from the TV series “Doctor Who” that are considered less than successful, even by some of its greatest fans...
WE ARE THE UNLOVED
We are the ‘unloved’ stories
of a ‘much loved’ show. We are the ones that lurk at the bottom of the
popularity polls; The stories that you’re advised to avoid; The ones that cause
even the most-die-hard of ‘fans’ to pause, draw in a long breath, and then
admit that they are probably best avoided by newcomers and old hands alike.
They are the shameful relatives, the dark secrets, the ones we’d rather not
talk about, and the ones of which we dare not speak out loud in polite company
for fear of receiving derision and mockery in return.
We are “The Sensorites” - An early attempt to demonstrate a
completely different culture, and to show us that it is the xenophobic humans
who can be the worst monsters of all. A story denied a finer reputation by
containing some silly round feet, a ridiculous conceit about all looking the
same, and, the biggest crime of all, being considered to be painfully slow by
the MTV Generation.
We are “The Web Planet” – A stone-cold classic as a Target Book
novelization that somehow disappointed a generation when it failed to deliver
the pictures that had formed in our collective imaginations when we saw the
limitations of trying to present a representation of a totally alien world in a
tiny television studio on a nineteen-sixties television budget, something for
which it remains unforgiven.
We are “The Space Museum” – Civil war, oppression, rebellion and
slavery all told in over the course of three solid enough weeks that somehow
failed to get beyond the fact that some people can never forgive old visions of
the future for having dated so grievously, and where you can forgive the odd
cuddly rat, or flat footed magma beast, double eyebrows remain fair game for
derision.
We are “Galaxy Four” – A treatise on the nature of beauty and
ugliness and people not always being as attractive as they might first seem,
struggles because people believe that its plot might be a cliché-ridden
hackneyed old chestnut, despite being made before such tropes had yet had the
chance to become those so-called hackneyed clichés.
We are “The Ark” – Although how anyone can take a dislike to a
Monoid is beyond me. It is, after all, the most ingenious use of a ping pong
ball since the extraordinarily rude one, and their arm gesticulations deserved
to become a sensational dance craze throughout the country (“Do the Monoid!”).
Not only that, but you get to see the end of the world (I like to think that
the Ark is out there somewhere whilst Eccles is doing battle with Cassandra),
and it’s a story which plays around properly with time travel at a time when it
was much avoided. Dodo even spends a little time being Mancunian… which is
nice.
We are “The Celestial Toymaker” - Once considered by those lucky
enough to recollect seeing it transmitted to be a bona-fide out-and-out classic of complex mind games played out in
an alternative dimension, and a tour-de-force
performance from the lead actor, but now slated for a contemporary racial slip
and for looking far too cheap in the traditionally cheap final – and only
surviving – episode.
We are “The Savages” – Which is another story for which the dislike
bewilders me, because there’s so little of it to see. To be fair, it’s the one
Hartnell era story that I can forget totally about when I’m trying to mentally
list the stories during another battle with insomnia, but does “forgetability”
really make it so very irksome? After all, it’s got a lot to say about racism,
and gives Steven a noble send off. I like Steven, and I think more people
would, too, if more of his era survived, and I like to think that there’d be
cheers throughout the Whoniverse if “The Savages” turned up one day.
We are “The Gunfighters” – A contender for the “All-Time Nadir”
award for the simple act of daring to have had some low audience figures which,
as we all know, is always a good
indicator of quality (he said with as much irony as he could muster).
Meanwhile, a rather effective and innovative little story gets neglected in the
Gold Rush of being able to join the other cattle in telling everyone just how
rubbish it is.
We are “The Underwater Menace” – A story about slavery, religious
dogma, and the crazed ambitions of a mad dictator which is defined in many
people’s minds by two short clips, one of which reveals the occasionally
obvious Kirby wire, (which also managed to reduce “Tomb of the Cybermen” from
its “classic” status in some eyes), and the other a clip of some “end of
episode” acting which, in context, actually demonstrates just how mad the mad
dictator actually is.
We are “The Wheel in Space” – The Sixties Cyberman story that proves
to some that all Sixties Cyberman stories weren’t great at all, despite being
mostly AWOL from the archives. As we know, of such absences are the reputations
of pre-rediscovery Enemies of the World made. Two Cybermen and a frankly
bonkers plot might not be entertaining enough for some, but any story that
brings along with it the rather wonderful Zoe Heriot really cannot be all bad.
We are “The Space Pirates” – Stunning model work and an epic space
opera, coupled with the only appearance of that bloke who played Nelson Gabriel
in “The Archers” and written by the late, great Mr Robert Holmes ought to make
this story one of the most sought after of all, and make that final season from
Patrick Troughton all but complete. That people would rather sacrifice its one
existing episode to the flames rather than actually watch it is one of many “received
opinion” wrongs that really needs righting.
We are “Colony in Space” – With his political stance, Malcolm Hulke
would fit right in with modern sensibilities. This dissection of the evils that
big business will do to smash the hopes and ambitions of whichever “little
people” stand in its way, as well as its subtle digs at some off the worst
aspects of humanity’s expansion ambitions, does suffer from being slightly too
long and occasionally a little bit too worthy for its own good, but its message
still rings out like a bell, and deserves a lot more love.
We are “The Time Monster” – A story which has some bonkers science –
most of which is no more bonkers than many other tales – and some beautiful
“moments” between its leads, and a third attempt at recreating Atlantis, as
well as being the last proper “hurrah” for the soon-to-be much-missed Roger
Delgado at his charming and manipulative best. Okay, it has its shoddier
moments, but, hey, which of us doesn’t?
We are “Invasion of the Dinosaurs” – More intensive politics from
Malcolm Hulke which touches upon environmentalism, self-interest and several
kinds of betrayal, as well as including some social comment, clever time travel
elements, and some lovely location work. Okay, the Whomobile is a misguided
“futuristic” touch, and the model work leaves a lot to be desired, but there’s
one heck of a story going on if you can look beyond that. I’ve occasionally
turned the colour right down to watch this story, and that helps it enormously.
We are “Revenge of the Cybermen” – One of my all-time favourite
seasons of the show really ought not to have any dodgy episodes in it, and yet
one short look at the internet will show you how despised this story is. Yet it
contains some of the finest actors ever to grace the show, a couple of the
greatest scenes ever filmed for the series, some of the best location work it
ever did, and the Cybermen bursting into the Beacon at the climax of part one
remains one of the top ten goosebumps moments of my childhood. Okay, there’s
some dodgy effects work that undermines the climax, but if you can ignore those
in other so-called “classics”, why not here?
We are “The Android Invasion” – You know, I do struggle with this
particular story, I really do, and it’s never likely to be the first one I’d pick
off the shelf to watch unless I’m being particularly chronological in my
rewatch. After all, it’s surrounded by so much greatness in just that season
alone, that it’s always going to find it difficult to get noticed. The thing
is, when you do sit down and give it a go, some of it is actually rather
marvelous, especially during those scenes when the series visits
“AvengersLand”, and, along with the final performances of some beloved UNIT
regulars, it’s worth a little bit of your love just for that.
We are “The Hand of Fear” – Surrounded by the beauty of “Mandragora”
and the sheer chutzpah of “Deadly Assassin”, this story was always going to
fall short in comparison, not least because departing companion Sarah Jane
Smith gets lumbered with one of the oddest outfits ever worn by a television
companion. But, if you look beyond the “Andy Pandy” trappings you’ll find a
tight little story about possession and longing, some interesting insights into
the minds of those working in the nuclear industry, and an incredible piece of
design, at least for the first incarnation of Eldrad, all topped off by a
departure scene against which all subsequent ones have to be measured.
We are “Underworld” – You know, on first transmission, I absolutely
loved episode one of “Underworld”. Maybe I was too young to notice its faults,
but the sets of the R1C and the model work throughout just looked gorgeous to
me, even if I did miss most of its “Classical Literature” trappings until I
read about them later in articles trying to persuade me how rubbish it was.
They’re wrong, by the way. Like the proverbial Curate’s Egg, this story is
actually very good in parts.
We are “The Power of Kroll” – The much-derided first draft of what
became “The Caves of Androzani” in later hands, they say, although I like to
think of it as “King Kong” made on a TV budget in an era of spiraling
inflation. Okay, maybe Romana shouldn’t be screaming quite so much – but this
is Mary Tamm so it’s damned classy screaming - and some of the matte lines are
a little obvious, but, on the whole, this is a far more solid and witty little
segment of the Key To Time season than some would have you believe, and its
various messages about the dangers of colonialism and gun-running still pack a
powerful punch if you’ll let them.
We are “Destiny of the Daleks” – The much anticipated return of the
Daleks after a five year absence was always going to struggle to live up to the
anticipation, and the quality of its predecessor, even with a surprise
reappearance for Davros thrown in for good measure. Much of it looks a bit
battered and shoddy, and there are those wretched Disco Robots to consider,
but, don’t forget, this is Douglas Adam’s first proper go in the script
editor’s chair which means at least a few snappy little one-liners to listen
out for, and some of the design work is almost as beautiful to look at as those
Movellans think they are.
We are “Meglos” – Which suffers by being a throwback to an earlier
time in the midst of the series being taken in an exciting new direction,
because, well, I guess you do have to use those scripts when you’ve
commissioned them. Still, there’s a great jungle, some impressive model work,
some allegorical insights on the dangers of religious extremism, and Freddie
Treves and Bill Fraser are pretty damned great in it. Lalla Ward looks as
fabulous as ever, and it even manages to bring Jacqueline Hill back to the
programme for one last hurrah. Really, how can you dismiss this little gem so
easily?
We are “Four to Doomsday” – Which, despite its clever ideas and
astonishingly beautiful sets and choreography, somehow still manages to fall
foul of the “bad science” lobby because of that witty little sequence with the
cricket ball. Episode one still creeps me out, and Persuasion and Enlightenment
are a very sinister pair indeed, despite the greenness of their taste in haute
couture, and, even if the “entertainments” do slow the story down a tad, they
are still rather impressive to watch.
We are “Time-Flight” – Which, I’ll admit, does struggle to be loved,
although the scenes filmed on location
at Heathrow are rather beautiful to behold, and that mention of UNIT does set
the heart pumping just a little faster. Funnily enough, I remember quite
enjoying this on first transmission, what with me having deciphered the
fiendish anagram of Tony Ainley in the “Radio times” (Oh, clever me!) and that
“It means the Master has finally defeated me…!” ending did resonate. Dammit,
it’s also got Nigel Stock in it, which means it can’t really be anything other
than utterly brilliant… (probably).
We are “Terminus” – There’s far more to this story than Nyssa stripping
down to her underwear (“Oh, it’s so hot, Doctor…!”) and a great big
glowing-eyed Man Dog, but people have dubbed it “boring” and so mote it be.
Nevertheless, some of the Vanir are rather entertaining, and this story of “Not
Leprosy At All Honest Guv” and the origins of the universe, all filmed in a
very realistic manner, this story serves as the gritty sandwich filling between
the two more elegant stories which surround it, but it deserves a much better
fate than to be thrown out like a bit of soggy lettuce, and enjoyed on its own
merits.
We are “Warriors of the Deep” – With its big green elephant in the
room, a big bendy door, that deus ex
machina killer gas, those over-lit sets, some costume errors, and the
karate kick from hell, it’s easy to dismiss this serial in its entirety. But
that is to forget the stunning model work in part one, the fact that those sets
are pretty well designed and actually deserve to be seen, and that breathtaking
ending to the opening episode. Not only
that, but the hard-hitting message that it struggles at times to get across is
a pretty valid one, and the fact that “there should have been another way” is
perhaps closer to the very core of what the programme is all about than several
other stories I could think of.
We are “The Twin Dilemma” – In which the gaudy mess of some shoddy
design work, and the less than brilliant acting of a couple of juveniles, is
somehow able to overshadow a magnificently stellar performance from the new
leading man, relishing every word of some wonderful dialogue, some
astonishingly good location work, and a death scene that is as poignant a
moment as anything the show has ever delivered.
We are “Timelash” – Which takes some clever ideas and amazing
make-up and yet, for a lot of people, it somehow manages to hide them behind a
few bits of tinsel and an “arch” guest performance that would have been a cause
of much admiration a mere half a decade earlier. Then there’s that nod back to
the Pertwee era to appreciate, as well as being the roots of the “historical
celebrity” subgenre which will one day become a staple of the regenerated show.
We are “Time and the Rani” – A brave new dawn from a programme that
had recently been forced to fight for its very survival in which the bravest
efforts from a dedicated cast and crew somehow failed to deliver what so many
people thought that it should. Okay, it does have its shortcomings, but the amount
of sheer hatred that points in its direction seems grossly unfair in a world
where other, lesser works are still lauded.
We are “Silver Nemesis” – The celebration that wasn’t, the
anniversary tale that somehow failed to deliver whatever it was that people
thought they were going to get. Episode one remains a corker, with a powerful
ending, and the Eighties Cybermen never looked better. Whilst some of the
aspects of the production do fall a little flat, how can you not love a
timey-wimey plot involving an Elizabethan witch, a group of Nazis working with
the Cybermen, and that scene on the river bank when the size of the shrouded
fleet is revealed?
We are ever changing in number and popularity as our various merits
are reexamined and reassessed in the bitter light of intense scrutiny. Some of
us have our admirers, and some are far too ashamed to admitting that even we
have our good points, and that all of us, in our own way, contributed to the
greatness of the whole, and each story was never intended to be or created as a
bit of a duffer, yet is still thought of as such. And yet, if you love this
“much loved” show so much, sometimes you have to love it despite its flaws,
embrace them, and enjoy them for what they are – pieces of a gigantic jigsaw
that all work together to make a rather astonishing picture.
