WE ARE THE UNLOVED

An article written for an ultimately abandoned "Fanzine" project that was going to focus upon, re-evaluate, and re-examine some of the stories from the TV series “Doctor Who”  that are considered less than successful, even by some of its greatest fans...

WE ARE THE UNLOVED

We are the  ‘unloved’ stories of a ‘much loved’ show. We are the ones that lurk at the bottom of the popularity polls; The stories that you’re advised to avoid; The ones that cause even the most-die-hard of ‘fans’ to pause, draw in a long breath, and then admit that they are probably best avoided by newcomers and old hands alike. They are the shameful relatives, the dark secrets, the ones we’d rather not talk about, and the ones of which we dare not speak out loud in polite company for fear of receiving derision and mockery in return.

We are “The Sensorites” - An early attempt to demonstrate a completely different culture, and to show us that it is the xenophobic humans who can be the worst monsters of all. A story denied a finer reputation by containing some silly round feet, a ridiculous conceit about all looking the same, and, the biggest crime of all, being considered to be painfully slow by the MTV Generation.

We are “The Web Planet” – A stone-cold classic as a Target Book novelization that somehow disappointed a generation when it failed to deliver the pictures that had formed in our collective imaginations when we saw the limitations of trying to present a representation of a totally alien world in a tiny television studio on a nineteen-sixties television budget, something for which it remains unforgiven.

We are “The Space Museum” – Civil war, oppression, rebellion and slavery all told in over the course of three solid enough weeks that somehow failed to get beyond the fact that some people can never forgive old visions of the future for having dated so grievously, and where you can forgive the odd cuddly rat, or flat footed magma beast, double eyebrows remain fair game for derision.

We are “Galaxy Four” – A treatise on the nature of beauty and ugliness and people not always being as attractive as they might first seem, struggles because people believe that its plot might be a cliché-ridden hackneyed old chestnut, despite being made before such tropes had yet had the chance to become those so-called hackneyed clichés.

We are “The Ark” – Although how anyone can take a dislike to a Monoid is beyond me. It is, after all, the most ingenious use of a ping pong ball since the extraordinarily rude one, and their arm gesticulations deserved to become a sensational dance craze throughout the country (“Do the Monoid!”). Not only that, but you get to see the end of the world (I like to think that the Ark is out there somewhere whilst Eccles is doing battle with Cassandra), and it’s a story which plays around properly with time travel at a time when it was much avoided. Dodo even spends a little time being Mancunian… which is nice.

We are “The Celestial Toymaker” - Once considered by those lucky enough to recollect seeing it transmitted to be a bona-fide out-and-out classic of complex mind games played out in an alternative dimension, and a tour-de-force performance from the lead actor, but now slated for a contemporary racial slip and for looking far too cheap in the traditionally cheap final – and only surviving – episode.

We are “The Savages” – Which is another story for which the dislike bewilders me, because there’s so little of it to see. To be fair, it’s the one Hartnell era story that I can forget totally about when I’m trying to mentally list the stories during another battle with insomnia, but does “forgetability” really make it so very irksome? After all, it’s got a lot to say about racism, and gives Steven a noble send off. I like Steven, and I think more people would, too, if more of his era survived, and I like to think that there’d be cheers throughout the Whoniverse if “The Savages” turned up one day.

We are “The Gunfighters” – A contender for the “All-Time Nadir” award for the simple act of daring to have had some low audience figures which, as we all know, is always a good indicator of quality (he said with as much irony as he could muster). Meanwhile, a rather effective and innovative little story gets neglected in the Gold Rush of being able to join the other cattle in telling everyone just how rubbish it is.

We are “The Underwater Menace” – A story about slavery, religious dogma, and the crazed ambitions of a mad dictator which is defined in many people’s minds by two short clips, one of which reveals the occasionally obvious Kirby wire, (which also managed to reduce “Tomb of the Cybermen” from its “classic” status in some eyes), and the other a clip of some “end of episode” acting which, in context, actually demonstrates just how mad the mad dictator actually is.

We are “The Wheel in Space” – The Sixties Cyberman story that proves to some that all Sixties Cyberman stories weren’t great at all, despite being mostly AWOL from the archives. As we know, of such absences are the reputations of pre-rediscovery Enemies of the World made. Two Cybermen and a frankly bonkers plot might not be entertaining enough for some, but any story that brings along with it the rather wonderful Zoe Heriot really cannot be all bad.

We are “The Space Pirates” – Stunning model work and an epic space opera, coupled with the only appearance of that bloke who played Nelson Gabriel in “The Archers” and written by the late, great Mr Robert Holmes ought to make this story one of the most sought after of all, and make that final season from Patrick Troughton all but complete. That people would rather sacrifice its one existing episode to the flames rather than actually watch it is one of many “received opinion” wrongs that really needs righting.

We are “Colony in Space” – With his political stance, Malcolm Hulke would fit right in with modern sensibilities. This dissection of the evils that big business will do to smash the hopes and ambitions of whichever “little people” stand in its way, as well as its subtle digs at some off the worst aspects of humanity’s expansion ambitions, does suffer from being slightly too long and occasionally a little bit too worthy for its own good, but its message still rings out like a bell, and deserves a lot more love.

We are “The Time Monster” – A story which has some bonkers science – most of which is no more bonkers than many other tales – and some beautiful “moments” between its leads, and a third attempt at recreating Atlantis, as well as being the last proper “hurrah” for the soon-to-be much-missed Roger Delgado at his charming and manipulative best. Okay, it has its shoddier moments, but, hey, which of us doesn’t?

We are “Invasion of the Dinosaurs” – More intensive politics from Malcolm Hulke which touches upon environmentalism, self-interest and several kinds of betrayal, as well as including some social comment, clever time travel elements, and some lovely location work. Okay, the Whomobile is a misguided “futuristic” touch, and the model work leaves a lot to be desired, but there’s one heck of a story going on if you can look beyond that. I’ve occasionally turned the colour right down to watch this story, and that helps it enormously.

We are “Revenge of the Cybermen” – One of my all-time favourite seasons of the show really ought not to have any dodgy episodes in it, and yet one short look at the internet will show you how despised this story is. Yet it contains some of the finest actors ever to grace the show, a couple of the greatest scenes ever filmed for the series, some of the best location work it ever did, and the Cybermen bursting into the Beacon at the climax of part one remains one of the top ten goosebumps moments of my childhood. Okay, there’s some dodgy effects work that undermines the climax, but if you can ignore those in other so-called “classics”, why not here?

We are “The Android Invasion” – You know, I do struggle with this particular story, I really do, and it’s never likely to be the first one I’d pick off the shelf to watch unless I’m being particularly chronological in my rewatch. After all, it’s surrounded by so much greatness in just that season alone, that it’s always going to find it difficult to get noticed. The thing is, when you do sit down and give it a go, some of it is actually rather marvelous, especially during those scenes when the series visits “AvengersLand”, and, along with the final performances of some beloved UNIT regulars, it’s worth a little bit of your love just for that.

We are “The Hand of Fear” – Surrounded by the beauty of “Mandragora” and the sheer chutzpah of “Deadly Assassin”, this story was always going to fall short in comparison, not least because departing companion Sarah Jane Smith gets lumbered with one of the oddest outfits ever worn by a television companion. But, if you look beyond the “Andy Pandy” trappings you’ll find a tight little story about possession and longing, some interesting insights into the minds of those working in the nuclear industry, and an incredible piece of design, at least for the first incarnation of Eldrad, all topped off by a departure scene against which all subsequent ones have to be measured.

We are “Underworld” – You know, on first transmission, I absolutely loved episode one of “Underworld”. Maybe I was too young to notice its faults, but the sets of the R1C and the model work throughout just looked gorgeous to me, even if I did miss most of its “Classical Literature” trappings until I read about them later in articles trying to persuade me how rubbish it was. They’re wrong, by the way. Like the proverbial Curate’s Egg, this story is actually very good in parts.

We are “The Power of Kroll” – The much-derided first draft of what became “The Caves of Androzani” in later hands, they say, although I like to think of it as “King Kong” made on a TV budget in an era of spiraling inflation. Okay, maybe Romana shouldn’t be screaming quite so much – but this is Mary Tamm so it’s damned classy screaming - and some of the matte lines are a little obvious, but, on the whole, this is a far more solid and witty little segment of the Key To Time season than some would have you believe, and its various messages about the dangers of colonialism and gun-running still pack a powerful punch if you’ll let them.

We are “Destiny of the Daleks” – The much anticipated return of the Daleks after a five year absence was always going to struggle to live up to the anticipation, and the quality of its predecessor, even with a surprise reappearance for Davros thrown in for good measure. Much of it looks a bit battered and shoddy, and there are those wretched Disco Robots to consider, but, don’t forget, this is Douglas Adam’s first proper go in the script editor’s chair which means at least a few snappy little one-liners to listen out for, and some of the design work is almost as beautiful to look at as those Movellans think they are.

We are “Meglos” – Which suffers by being a throwback to an earlier time in the midst of the series being taken in an exciting new direction, because, well, I guess you do have to use those scripts when you’ve commissioned them. Still, there’s a great jungle, some impressive model work, some allegorical insights on the dangers of religious extremism, and Freddie Treves and Bill Fraser are pretty damned great in it. Lalla Ward looks as fabulous as ever, and it even manages to bring Jacqueline Hill back to the programme for one last hurrah. Really, how can you dismiss this little gem so easily?

We are “Four to Doomsday” – Which, despite its clever ideas and astonishingly beautiful sets and choreography, somehow still manages to fall foul of the “bad science” lobby because of that witty little sequence with the cricket ball. Episode one still creeps me out, and Persuasion and Enlightenment are a very sinister pair indeed, despite the greenness of their taste in haute couture, and, even if the “entertainments” do slow the story down a tad, they are still rather impressive to watch.

We are “Time-Flight” – Which, I’ll admit, does struggle to be loved, although the  scenes filmed on location at Heathrow are rather beautiful to behold, and that mention of UNIT does set the heart pumping just a little faster. Funnily enough, I remember quite enjoying this on first transmission, what with me having deciphered the fiendish anagram of Tony Ainley in the “Radio times” (Oh, clever me!) and that “It means the Master has finally defeated me…!” ending did resonate. Dammit, it’s also got Nigel Stock in it, which means it can’t really be anything other than utterly brilliant… (probably).

We are “Terminus” – There’s far more to this story than Nyssa stripping down to her underwear (“Oh, it’s so hot, Doctor…!”) and a great big glowing-eyed Man Dog, but people have dubbed it “boring” and so mote it be. Nevertheless, some of the Vanir are rather entertaining, and this story of “Not Leprosy At All Honest Guv” and the origins of the universe, all filmed in a very realistic manner, this story serves as the gritty sandwich filling between the two more elegant stories which surround it, but it deserves a much better fate than to be thrown out like a bit of soggy lettuce, and enjoyed on its own merits.

We are “Warriors of the Deep” – With its big green elephant in the room, a big bendy door, that deus ex machina killer gas, those over-lit sets, some costume errors, and the karate kick from hell, it’s easy to dismiss this serial in its entirety. But that is to forget the stunning model work in part one, the fact that those sets are pretty well designed and actually deserve to be seen, and that breathtaking ending to the opening episode.  Not only that, but the hard-hitting message that it struggles at times to get across is a pretty valid one, and the fact that “there should have been another way” is perhaps closer to the very core of what the programme is all about than several other stories I could think of.

We are “The Twin Dilemma” – In which the gaudy mess of some shoddy design work, and the less than brilliant acting of a couple of juveniles, is somehow able to overshadow a magnificently stellar performance from the new leading man, relishing every word of some wonderful dialogue, some astonishingly good location work, and a death scene that is as poignant a moment as anything the show has ever delivered.

We are “Timelash” – Which takes some clever ideas and amazing make-up and yet, for a lot of people, it somehow manages to hide them behind a few bits of tinsel and an “arch” guest performance that would have been a cause of much admiration a mere half a decade earlier. Then there’s that nod back to the Pertwee era to appreciate, as well as being the roots of the “historical celebrity” subgenre which will one day become a staple of the regenerated show.

We are “Time and the Rani” – A brave new dawn from a programme that had recently been forced to fight for its very survival in which the bravest efforts from a dedicated cast and crew somehow failed to deliver what so many people thought that it should. Okay, it does have its shortcomings, but the amount of sheer hatred that points in its direction seems grossly unfair in a world where other, lesser works are still lauded.

We are “Silver Nemesis” – The celebration that wasn’t, the anniversary tale that somehow failed to deliver whatever it was that people thought they were going to get. Episode one remains a corker, with a powerful ending, and the Eighties Cybermen never looked better. Whilst some of the aspects of the production do fall a little flat, how can you not love a timey-wimey plot involving an Elizabethan witch, a group of Nazis working with the Cybermen, and that scene on the river bank when the size of the shrouded fleet is revealed?

We are ever changing in number and popularity as our various merits are reexamined and reassessed in the bitter light of intense scrutiny. Some of us have our admirers, and some are far too ashamed to admitting that even we have our good points, and that all of us, in our own way, contributed to the greatness of the whole, and each story was never intended to be or created as a bit of a duffer, yet is still thought of as such. And yet, if you love this “much loved” show so much, sometimes you have to love it despite its flaws, embrace them, and enjoy them for what they are – pieces of a gigantic jigsaw that all work together to make a rather astonishing picture.