Friday, 14 December 2012

A CHRISTMAS TALE IN 25 PARTS: PART FOURTEEN


There was, of course (and indeed there never had been), anyone remotely involved with the company whose name had been Mr Grabbe. Old Snatch had just liked the sound of it and thought that it gave a far better impression to any potential clients if they were to believe that there was more than one hand on the tiller to temper the excesses and possible whims of the other.

He did little, in fact, to dissuade them that this was the case, making vague references, if pushed, to nonexistent offices abroad, and business ventures taking place in the colonies and former colonies, depending upon both his mood and the latest musings of the financial columnists in the daily newspapers.

However, if we were to try and peel away at the many layers of his subterfuge we would eventually discover that he was indeed the sole proprietor of this venture and its many offshoots and enterprises and that, in many ways, this bitter, lonely little man had been the salvation of  many households by employing breadwinners who might have otherwise been left to starve or serve in the poor-houses or be solely dependant upon the goodwill of the parish.

But before we laud this paragon of the community too highly, we ought to recall that there are ways and means to justify ends, and sometimes it is not the fact that you are there to provide employment, but the manner in which you go about your handing of those in your employ which is how you are regarded by your fellow man, and Old Mr Snatch was not the kindest or most generous of employers by any stretch of our already incredulous imaginings.

High up on the very top floor of the huge factory that was the burning heart of the Snatch & Grabbe Company, one solitary window burned late at night by the light of one solitary and rather feeble oil lamp. A lonely figure could just be made out, hunched over his ledgers, but he might not, at that exact moment, have seemed all that familiar to his many employees, as he was in relatively rather high spirits, and his usually rather stern face was looking slightly more relaxed than was usual, as he was going about the business of what he enjoyed doing most.

This was, of course, and in the tradition of old misers everywhere, where Mr Snatch could be found in what essentially was his Counting House, counting out his ill-gotten gains late into the evening, and calculating his profit after having been forced to part with a pittance in wages for each of his ungrateful workforce, whom he very probably considered ought to be paying him for the privilege of working for such a progressive and forward-thinking employer such as he considered himself to be.

Did he not give them shelter and warmth throughout the twelve long hours of their working day? Were they not allowed the very luxury of the ten minute “tea-break” that his gang-masters had insisted upon after one or two of the more feeble ones had fainted at their machinery and cost significant amounts of production to be lost?

Did he not also provide them with the usual unsavoury amenities with which to deal with the many “calls of nature” and various other ablutions which seemed to crop up with alarming regularity when the so-called “workers” were supposed to be working? Was there also not a highly costly refectory where those very employees could plough their not-so-hard-earned back into the factory coffers and buy themselves nourishing gruel and some bread at very reasonable rates which were only ever-so slightly above what they might be expected to pay beyond the gates if he were to allow them to venture abroad?

He paused over his calculations, the nib of his pen paused in mid-air, when he remembered that it was also the season of the year when he was expected to supplement the lavish and decadent lifestyle of this gang of reprobates, which he was unfortunate enough to have to deal with, by being expected to pay them for days upon which they did not actually work.

He sighed and glanced out of his window, just in time to see a ragged looking figure dart into the shadows, having just failed to have the decency to allow himself to be run down by the coach and four which had just departed to make the last delivery run of the day.

His face set itself into its more familiar grim countenance and he sighed another deep sigh before ringing the little bell which would summon his factory manager to his presence to be informed that there was an interloper trespassing within the grounds.

Poor Mr Snipe was never allowed to leave the factory whilst Mr Snatch was still working, and he had to remain in his office, poised and ready to leap into action, should that hated little bell ring for any reason whatsoever, and at whatever time it might occur.

And so it was that he wearily rose once again to respond to another summons and found himself once more in Mr Snatch’s office waiting to receive another set of instructions of the kind that had made him a less than welcome neighbour on the rare occasions that he got home in order to spend some time with his family, and which found him shunned and ignored by his colleagues and contemporaries whenever he felt the urge for a swift drowning of his sorrows after he had escaped the confines of the factory, something, incidentally, which he was finding the need to do with increasing regularity of late.

It would be a terrible cliché (and not a little derivative) to put the words “release the hounds” into the mouth of Mr Snatch at this point, especially if only to make the most of an opportunity for another of our daily cliffhangers, but, seeing as that is pretty much what he did whilst innocently seeming to be asking Mr Snipe whether or not the guard dogs had been let loose yet, we might as well accept that he did at least say those very words, or something very similar, and Mr Snipe went off to do his bidding.

Meanwhile, Old Mr Snatch stood up briefly to look out of the window and see if he could catch any movement in the shadows before sitting down again and returning to his beloved columns of figures, whilst listening out for the satisfied howls of those not-so-distant hounds as they regained their freedom for another night.

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