THE RED FLAG OF FRIENDSHIP

The constant delays over completion on mum's flat means that the sad little posting that I've composed to mark that less-than-monumental event keeps getting postponed, and instead I have to keep dredging up nonsense like this from the dark depths of the "Drafts" File to fill the void, in the misguided belief that it's "better than nothing" although, to be fair, and despite what is alluded to in the text, this sort of thing happens fairly regularly, so it's never really going to be utterly irrelevant...

I’m fairly sure that nobody else struggles with this kind of dilemma. After all, if you’re sensible enough to be reading this, then you’re obviously the sort of very sane, very rational kind of human being who would never be filled with such doubts or concerns, but, whilst you get on with your sensible existence, it seems that, perhaps rather sadly, the author is not that kind of human being at all.

The dilemma is a little part of the world of social networking which probably doesn't trouble anybody else at all, but one which causes me no end of angst and paroxysms of doubt and anguish as I have lengthy internal debates as whether to click or not to click.

You see, it all comes down to those little red flags which indicate that someone wishes to “friend” you on a social networking site. I’m sure that the obvious, rational thing to do is just to click “accept’ or “decline” and get on with your life.

But that simple choice, for me, is where it starts to get complicated.

After all, in the first instance, is it a name that I recognise? This is not always the case. After all, I’m quite capable of forgetting someone’s name within nanoseconds of being told it, so the chances are that, if I did know you twenty years ago, I would still struggle to dredge your monicker from the slurry and sludge of my mind.

If it is a name that seems vaguely familiar, it is then possible that they know other people that I also vaguely recognise but have drifted away from for various reasons and might not want to re-establish links with.

Also, are they likely to be the sort of person who is likely to fill my life with all sorts of banal nonsense that I’d rather not know about?

Or do I recall them having extreme and radical points of view which I’d rather not be exposed to…? This particular issue always, always, means immediate banishment to the realms of “not following” in order not to upset them by the extreme guillotine of the “unfriend” option, but has the added advantage of keeping me relatively sane and away from all of their nonsense and the endless stuff about which I really do not care.

Also, these flags exist in a kind of quantum state.

The mere observing of the contents within and underneath them means that the flag itself vanishes as if it has never been and, if you are like me, and get distracted into other thoughts and activities, out of sight can inevitably mean out of mind, and that request can lurk there unnoticed for months until the next friendship request pops up and I then see the other one still lurking there accusingly and forgotten.

How long, then, is too long in such situations…?

Yes, in my case, such requests are usually several months apart, because I really am that unpopular and forgotten about. You might not believe it, with your own massively successful and sociable existence, but you’re just going to have to learn to deal with it like I did, and just accept that you’re reading the words of a social outcast, a pariah, and a misanthrope of the first order.

HAHAHAHAHAHA-HAHHHHH!!!

Recently I made the mistake of trying to do some “social networking” via the Kindle whilst I was in bed not trying to sleep and shredding my body clock, and this is never a good idea. My main problem involves the fact that the touch-screen seems to be getting ever less sensitive to my chunky old fingertips, perhaps because of the thin film of finger-deposited grease is playing havoc with the connections.

So, there I was, busily trying to find a way to rotate a photograph which had orientated itself in the wrong direction when all hell broke loose and screens started jumping about all over the place, and, amidst the chaos of trying to wrest control back from HAL again, I must have inadvertently hit an “accept” button which had been lurking there for a while, because, when stillness and calm returned again, I suddenly appeared to have one more “friend” than I’d had previously…

Well, this simply would not do, especially given the length of time involved, so I then had to get up and get myself to a keyboard which was attached to an operating system which connected a format of that website that I at least vaguely understood and, after sorting out precisely who it might be, tinker with my timelines and settings and get things back onto an even keel before the ghosts got into the machine and the gremlins awoke.

So, here I find myself, dragging my way through life with another "friend" to deal with, and more electronic conversations to be negotiated. It's not that I really mind, of course - after all, it's nice to be remembered, no matter how obliquely - but now there's a whole new minefield - of who knows who, and what who might say to whom about what - to be negotiated and that's, quite frankly, bloody terrifying.

Still… Welcome, I suppose.

You know who you are…