WHY DON'T YOU?

I think that I mentioned this in passing the other day, but, specifically after my latest reflections upon the fate of MH370, my sister recently asked me whether I'd ever thought of sending some of these writings off to the papers or somewhere because she thinks that they're well written enough to pass muster in the big, wide and all-too-real world, and that I'm far, far too modest when it comes to my own abilities as a wordsmith.

Although, by telling you that, I appear to have found a roundabout way of, er, not being…

Of course, she would think that. After all, she's my sister and is probably more than a little bit biased in my favour, or, depending upon your own experiences of sibling rivalry, is setting me up for a mighty fall.

I, of course, am far too modest to agree with her, but it does raise an interesting question or three...

I mean, apart from not being good enough, and not wanting to make a job out of something I still like to think that I do for fun, there's also the tricky little matter of my low opinion of the fourth estate to consider.

I really don't like these guys.

There's also the light under a bushel factor to be considered, too.

Oh yes, and the fact that nobody knows me from Adam, nor do they give a flying flea about what I might reckon.

In an ideal world, of course, such things simply would not matter and the opinions of everyone, from the lowest to the highest, from the most obscure to the most prominent, from the poorest to the wealthiest, would all be given equal weight and credence, no matter how bonkers the notion.

But this really isn't an ideal world, is it?

Still, sifting through all of the nonsense might take far too much time... which is, I suppose, why we have the internet and its self-governing ways and horrifically insane internal madness.

I sometimes think that I could write this stuff in my sleep, and I’m sure that there are those of you who might attest that it looks as if I already do…

If anything, what these words need is less publicity, and I think that I might be keeping them to myself for a while, or at least not posting those wretched "come and see" links which take me to places I'm perhaps better off not venturing into.

Ah, those good ol' mood swings… Doncha just lurve 'em…?

It's a very bipolar life, my existence in web world… Sometimes I'm okay with it, but most of the time I find it pretty ghastly, not least because of the perceived sense of quiet desperation it instills within me…

Some days I'm really not in the mood to engage with anyone and so holding up my hand and saying "here's another crap-pile of nonsense" just doesn't sit well with me. On other days I might think "Oh yes, Mr, Mrs or Ms XXXX will like that" and glibly post away, forgetting that everyone but Mr, Mrs or Ms XXXX is actually more likely to take a peek, and Mr, Mrs or Ms XXXX themselves might go merrily through their day blissfully unaware of the tiny beacon of - well, not exactly "joy" I suppose - that I'm shining in their specific direction…

You can choose what is there to be read, but not who reads it…

Or how it's read either, I suppose…

Funnily enough, I quite often find myself thinking that the time has come to stop, that this is perhaps an old or stale format, or that there's nothing left worth saying…

Somehow, however, perhaps because I've got a stubborn streak a mile wide, or just because I'm rather compulsive, this strange little corner of the cyberverse still staggers onwards and I find myself drawn towards it almost every day, or obsessing about the potential "failure" of not continuing with it and so on, and so on, ad nauseum, ad infinitum…

How and why, I still don't know.

Actually, explaining the "how" is easy. I get up and just do it.

The "why" is more of a mystery. Perhaps I feel as if I'm in competition with something, although I suspect that it's only myself. It's certainly not (although you'll just have to take my word about that), because I want to work in that mad world of journalism, heaven forfend, or that I want to self-aggrandise about my own limited inconsequential influence upon the universe...

Although I doubt you'll believe that either... After all, you might have already leapt to that startlingly inaccurate conclusion already and nothing I can say is likely to persuade you otherwise.

Which is, I suppose, rather the point that I think I was possibly trying to make in the first place...