We left off yesterday mid-way through week eleven of our yawnful yarns, and, whilst there is an ongoing sense that undoubted progress is being made, we still remain on our little treadmill. I am starting to worry that this little window of optimism we’re experiencing might just vanish with this prolonged state of limbo and the confidence mum currently has will ebb away and we will end up in a state of emotional atrophy if we’re not too careful…
FEB 10 2011
Day 75 (a Thursday I believe) starts with a phone call from mum about 9.15AM to tell me that there’s no news and had I heard anything…? We followed that with a discussion on the new diminished catheter bags and how she’s getting used to them, office hours and the possible duties of carers. I also had to remind mum that I planned not to visit today unless the notification to release happens to occur which seemed to be okay with her. Sis rang me for as much confirmation of this as I could give her before she went out shopping, and mum rang about noon to confirm that her magnesium levels are stubbornly lurking at the 0.4 mark (suddenly 0.7 seems an awfully big number and an awfully long way off) and so she is to remain in hospital for the time being. Forty minutes later I get another call to say that she’s managed to get a cheese fix sorted out for this evening (sometimes I do tend to feel like I’m going in as her “dealer” as I hand over small packets of sweets and cheese…).
I have a much-needed night off from visiting and much of our discussion at home is about my own health and how to preserve it, especially if in the long haul (I feel as if I’ve already done the long haul…) the status quo is to continue. After this eleven week (and counting…) stretch I need to start rationing my scheduled visits otherwise I’ll wear myself out and be no use to anyone. Whether I’ll be able to sell this notion to mum as she endures the long, lonely days in hospital remains (of course) to be seen.
FEB 11 2011
Sis rings about 11 o’clock to announce that mum definitely won’t be heading home before “early next week” as the magnesium is still not sorted (0.48 today, apparently) and they’ve just taken another sample for testing. Not a long chat - well I was trying to work - but I think my disillusionment might be showing. Mum, however, failed to ring all day, which was odd.
I headed out in the brewing rainstorm after work to have my hair cut and then pulled into the hospital for another visit on my way home, delivering more supplies and a new TV guide, as well as the good wishes of our mutual hairstylists. Mum’s quietness today was due to her sleeping much of the morning away, which I suppose was a good thing even if it worried at least one of the Ward staff for a while. Mum tells me she didn’t ring because sis had already told me everything, but I think that she really just probably forgot and didn’t want me to feel forgotten. Things between us are still remaining amicable (this could be a record!) although the thorny issue that “the GMF thinks that we shouldn’t visit at the same time” rather sticks in my craw although I don’t let on. The problem is that the weekend is my only chance for daytime visiting and the choice of an evening at home, and I rather resent that option being taken away from me. Still, I have mentioned the possibility that I need to reduce my quantity of visiting anyway for the sake of my own well-being and that wasn’t dismissed out of hand. I had to bring some more washing home as there was a problem with a faulty bag apparently, but we were able to have some civilised chats about world events and other matters which made a change.
FEB 12 2011
I have a bad night with my insomnia and find myself up in the middle of the night pondering on things as the rain beats down upon the roof tiles. Mum rang me briefly around 11.30AM having slept most of her morning away again. The weather seemed nice from what she could see out of the ward windows (although it was cloudy hereabouts) and she had remembered that I’d decided not to visit today, but we didn’t say much else. She rang again a couple of times about 3.40PM after a doze following her latest visit from the GMF. These calls were first to discuss her lack of any cheese, and then to report that some had arrived courtesy of the daughter of another patient.
I guess it’s the small things that matter.
And so week eleven (and day 77) comes to a close and we remain none the wiser. I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but I suspect that there’ll be more soon.
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