POSITIVE THINKING

I don't know what you think, but reading back through my "online life" for this past few weeks, my ravings and rantings appear to have turned into little more than a list of stuff that I don't like all that much…

Whole rafts of unpleasant comments about the telly I don’t like, or the people who I don’t like who appear upon it, which is probably most unfair - although I still take exception to Susanna Bloody Reid who, after doing me the favour of vanishing forever from my morning schedule, was then presented with “Newsreader of the Year…”

I swear that they sometimes do these things just to spite me…

Mind you, I still maintain that whenever she appeared on my TV she always gave the air that she’d rather everyone in the room with her was talking about her and her life instead of all that silly “newsy” stuff, but that’s probably just my perception as an awful lot of people seem to “like” her.

Granted, she avoided my ire for a long time by not being quite as awful as her former colleague Sian on the sofa when it came to self-obsessiveness in the face of  whichever humanitarian disasters were occurring, but one of the benefits of the bizarre move to Salford and her subsequent promotion to top national morning news botherer was that it brought her awfulness into sharp relief which made the decision to mostly leave the TV off in the mornings much easier to make.

Well, that's hardly a sea of positivity, is it, boys and girls…?

(I don't know why you come here, I really don't…)

Mind you, most of my conversations seem to have been going that way recently, too, which might be why I feel as if I'm going through what you might call "a sticky patch" on a personal level, and why things don't seem to be going all that swimmingly on a professional level either...

I sometimes wonder whether this is my mother's final revenge on me; To manipulate events from the great beyond and make me feel so angry and unpleasant all of the time so that I too end up as lonely and alone and isolated as she sometimes must have felt if only I’d noticed it.

We needed more time, mum… Far more time…

Sometimes I head home from work of an evening wishing that I’d just taped up my mouth and said nothing for the duration, given the amount of blather and stupidity which emerges from this old mouth of mine. Ninety percent of the time, I don’t even believe any of it myself and the next day I’m just as likely to hold the completely opposite point of view as my bipolar relationship with the entire bloody world decides to manifest itself.

That Susanna Reid… She’s lovely, isn’t she…? And all of the recognition that she’s now getting is so richly deserved after all of the many years of hard work she’s put in…

“And she’s a mother too, you know…?”

“I know! Astonishing isn’t it? That someone can achieve so much with such a handicap… It gives hope to us all…”

“You didn’t know that… Well, I’m sure it’s because she’s far too modest to ever mention it…”

Mind you, sitting at my desk not saying a bloody word all day isn’t likely to cheer anyone else up all that much either. There are few things worse in the enforced proximity of office life than feeling as if you’re walking around on eggshells all of the time.

Thinking about it, though, the so-called “opinions” that I rattle out in these pages as I trawl my mind for the first early morning thoughts of the day are pretty inconsistent, too.

And I do also wonder quite what this all says about me as a person…?

Maybe, despite being awake all of the time, I’m not actually a morning person after all...? Perhaps I should not allow these free-flowing first thoughts of the day, with their roots in the dark nightmares of the subconscious mind, to be released into the world and, instead, I should wait for happier moments and the power of positive thinking to kick in and then this dark, unpleasant corner of the internet could become a brighter, happier and far lovelier place.

Might be a long wait, mind… ;-)