STAR

“If you were a star, what kind of star would you be…?”

I’m usually completely rubbish at answering questions like that when they’re thrown at me. I suppose, if you were being kind, you might suggest that I like to think about such things for a little while before rushing to give a definitive answer, but I suspect it’s more likely that I’m just suspicious of the frivolous question, or, perhaps, just even more wary of giving the frivolous answer.

This is another of those instances in life where the idea that something is “Just a bit of fun…” tends to derail my thinking processes. In the past I have been known to rail against many things that I just couldn’t see the point of only to have those same five words flung back at me as if they explained everything…

I had an appraisal once, a very long time ago, where it was said that I might not say a lot, but when I do, it’s usually significant because I’ve obviously been thinking about whatever it is I said for quite some time.

Oh how times change…

I bet there are one or two people out there who might wish really hard for that particular state of my being to reassert itself, instead of having to listen to (or read about) the prattling fool that turned out to be the disappointing upgrade to that version of me, but there you go, we seem to be stuck with it now, at least until the next big system crash where I have to reboot the system or reinstall the operating system and return to the factory settings.

So…

“If you were a flower, what kind of a flower do you think you’d be…?”

I’d have to think about it…

“If you were an animal / a bird / a vegetable…”

I really need to think about it…

“If you were a…”

Look! I told you that I’d have to think about it…

Animals… Birds… Vegetables… It’s far too difficult for me to narrow down the various traits that every single one of them might have in common with me, so I end up being non-committal or refusing to play along, whilst simultaneously considering just how much DNA I actually share with the average banana. Perhaps it’s because, in the end, I really don’t know myself all that well. Either that or I simply don’t know enough about the natural world to be able to pluck exactly the right (or at least most appropriate) option from the vast list of possibilities on offer, so that, if I were to play along and choose a particular kind of dog, like, for example, a Dalmation, because it’s the first thing that pops into my mind, it’s a rather ridiculous thing to do when the rest of the room takes one look at me and thinks “Dachshund…”

Perhaps a better game would be “If I were a [???], what kind of a [???] do YOU think I’d be…”

But I think that, after a great deal of thought (and a corresponding amount of documentary watching) I’ve managed to narrow down what kind of star that I think I’m most like…

It’s a Red Giant…

After all, when you think about it, it’s almost a perfect fit. Something existing in a bloated state in its late middle age, well past it’s prime, and getting ever older after most of its useful work is done, whilst doing its level best to destroy that which it once nurtured, being not quite so hot as it once was, making a point of drawing attention to itself by trying to seem brighter than everything around it, and, ultimately mostly exhausted.

That all sounds very familiar, does it not…? Most appropriate, I believe, although, maybe you all had me down as a White Dwarf…