THE GREAT CUPCAKE DEBATE

...BUT FIRST, CYBERBULLIES

I was listening to a radio programme about online bullying and so-called “trolling” the other day and it was both very interesting and very disturbing when it told tales of those put away for writing something outrageously upsetting, or those who have driven others to the brink of suicide and beyond through a barrage of abusive and offensive comments.

Sticks and stones, eh...?

Of course the fascinating thing about the discussion was finding out that the last time anyone bothered to update the laws on these things was in 2003, some time before the notion of “social networking” was even a twinkle in Mark Zuckerberg’s eye, and the world has changed considerably since that point as all of those FizzBoks and TwitWorlds (and not forgetting all the Bloggerage) ably demonstrate.

The interesting thing, of course, is that it addresses the fundamentals of the right to “freedom of speech” and the right to express an opinion, no matter how bizarre or outrageous that opinion might be, and if any actual “harm” is done, then it needs to be seen to have been done which, as other matters have recently demonstrated, is far more difficult to prove.

The theory goes that, like in the “real world”, the checks and balances in the system, i.e. the offence taken by the moral majority, should be enough to persuade the abusive person to mend their ways or shut up, and the “holy grail” of legislation would be a “one size fits all” approach which would protect the public from everything from the simplest misguided retweet of an offensive joke, to a pattern of persistent cyberbullying...

Well, good luck with that.

Of course, there are other ways of bullying…

It is possible to abuse people simply by the baking of a cake.

This is not as unreasonable as you might think, especially as we are now in an era where baking has become televisual gold, and a ratings phenomenon. My problem with all of that is not with competition, whether it’s on TV or in an exhibition tent, because there you do expect certain levels of ability and excellence to be displayed.

What I object to is when it happens in the places where it really ought not to matter. Places like the school fete, or the church bazaar. There now seems to be a culture developing where you can intimidate people by developing a sense of a centre of excellence, when really all you should be doing is being grateful that people have turned up with something edible which you can sell, because, whether we like it or not, we do actually live in a society where people do have different skills, one where we can’t all be perfect at absolutely everything we try.

Instead we seem to be trying our level best to bring in standards of excellence where it’s really not appropriate, and persuade people that, unless what they are making is 100% brilliant, then it has no worth at all...

Suddenly I found, when I was rattling out this piece, that I found myself thinking, “Hang on... I’ve written about this particular idea once before...” and, lo and behold, I had indeed written something very similar during my month in exile, way back in July. I know it’s a “controversial” point of view, which is, no doubt, why I hid it in the vault, but, ah, you know, what would be the point in saying the same thing twice, especially if I put it far better back in those long-forgotten days of summer...?

THE GREAT CUPCAKE DEBATE

Cupcakes seem to have become the next big weapon in the great competitive war being fought between people who really ought to have far more important things to get themselves worked up about.

Now, do not get me wrong here, I like a bit of cake as much as the next portly person, and I am perfectly happy to scoff one down if one is being offered, but I do get concerned when the cake I am being offered has to be admired as some kind of a “work of art” before I stuff it down my gullet.

It’s a cake for flip’s sake…! What it tastes like is what’s important. Nothing else. Spending hours making it look pretty seems to me to be a colossal waste of time.

However, we seem to live in a “crafting” culture, at least amongst what used to be called the “middle classes” in the days before such terminology was deemed unacceptable and restrictive for people’s opportunities to “better” themselves, even if they didn’t want to.

Ah yes, another stick to beat yourself up with.

Of course you could argue that if a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing well and all that kind of thing and, of course, that’s a very difficult position to argue against, but the problem I have (and I’ll admit that it might very well be a very unique problem), is that all that does is make people feel very self-conscious about whatever level of ability they have, and suddenly all the enjoyment of the whatever it is that you’re making evaporates.

Consider this scenario…

Someone bakes a cake. It’s a lovely cake and they’re very pleased with it. The whole family enjoys eating it and it tastes wonderful. So, there’s a party coming up and they decide to bake another. They arrive at the party with this simple offering but, slap bang in the centre of the table is a cake that looks as if it has been crafted and sculpted and worked on for days, and the whole room is bowing and scraping at the feet of the self-styled “master craftsperson” who has created this miracle, who’s lapping this all up with the kind of false modesty that makes you want to retch...

Somehow the whole thing is tainted for everyone else who might now feel as if they haven’t made “sufficient” effort, and that’s what’s starting to trouble me about this crafting culture, and indeed the cupcake one as well. People are setting themselves ridiculously unreasonable goals, and everything seems to have to be done to such ridiculously “professional” standards that these things seem to just stop being “fun to do” any more.

It’s no longer good enough to just bake a few cakes because you know that, if they don’t meet a certain standard, all of the other cake-makers are going to get horribly sniffy about them. Oh, maybe not to your face, but you’ll know. You find people nearly giving themselves nervous breakdowns over a few cakes meant for a few kids to eat at a birthday party or, perhaps even worse than that refusing to try to do these things themselves because they “couldn’t possibly be as good” as some of the others and they’d be far too ashamed to take them.

It’s monstrous! Really it is!

Doing such things is supposed to be a bit of fun. It really shouldn’t matter if you make a hash of it, but there are far too many people judging others over the standard of their home baking skills or, perhaps even worse, judging themselves far too harshly over something that, in the end, is only supposed to be a fun and tasty treat.

Here’s another scenario that bugs me…

Someone makes their own Christmas cards and happens to send one to another person, who also makes their own Christmas cards, but who also considers themselves to be a bit of an “expert” at it. This person has been on all the courses, they’ve bought all the books, and they’ve spent an absolute fortune at the craft shop buying all the best materials and spent weeks lovingly creating works of art.

Now, does the first person suddenly feel intimidated by this? Might the self-styled “expert” look at their effort and consider it to be somehow inferior to their own masterpieces. Might they open the envelope and say “Oh they’ve not made that very well have they?” in a smug superior manner that forgets completely that, when it comes to such things, it really should be the thought that counts…

Perhaps the “expert” also happens to forget that their own effort is, when all is said and done, “just a flippin’ card!” and despite their long hours, anyone receiving it might just plonk it upon the shelf alongside all the others.

Granted, they might say “Oh, that’s nice…” and they might even ring up the sender and polish their ego with a few of those “Ooh! Aren’t you talented…?” platitudes, but if that’s the only reason that you’re putting all of that effort in, then that should not be the reason for sending the card in the first place.

I do understand, of course I do, that there’s a need to feel as if you’re “good at” something that everyone has, but if it really sucks the joy out of it and becomes this massive “stick to beat yourself up with” then there’s really something going seriously wrong somewhere, and as for anyone just seeking affirmation through such things, then I kind of pity them, and I imagine that they really, really wouldn’t have expected that kind of reaction at all…

(First published in “The Lesser Blogfordshire Alternative” July 29th 2012)